Are we saying you should turn tricks? Naw. Just unleash your inner "Kristen."
By carriesloan — Written on Mar 26, 2008
There's been a lot of talk lately about what constitutes $4,000 sex. And the question that still seems to be haunting women—long after l'affaire Spitzer has fizzled—is: one diamond, two diamond, three diamond, four—what's so special about bedding a whore?
And what it is about Ashley Dupre in particular?
After careful analysis, we've concluded: Not much. Which is why we've rounded up everything you need to unleash your inner hooker. Not that we're suggesting you turn tricks. (No, not even if you don't wind up getting a tax refund.) After all, we can all agree that men paying for prostitutes is so...last week.
All we're saying is that there's something about the power you have when you love the skin you're in, and as every woman knows, the right accessories can help. So whether you're just lusting after some new come-f*&%-me shoes, or want to explore the full-on paying-customer fantasy with your partner, here, as exemplified by "Kristen," are all the new trappings you'll need to play the part of the world's oldest professional:
1. Itty-Bitty Bikini By Day:
Innocent, yet barely-there—for maximum jail-baity appeal.
Melissa Odabash, Miami Triangle Bikini from net-a-porter.com, $250
2. Come-Hither Lingerie By Night:
It's impossible to resist the appeal of this butterfly lace Betsey Johnson get-up. Butterfly lace plunge bra, $48, lo-rise string side thong, $20, and lace garter belt, $28, all in raven black. Available at nordstrom.com.
3. Hooker Heels 24/7:
Apparently they were the Valentine's gift of choice for The Hills' Heidi Montag. And while we're not saying you need to be able to do anything but teeter between striking a seductive pose in the doorway and crawling coquettishly into bed in these doozies, boy will your legs look good doing it.
And because we're sensitive to the fact that not everybody makes $4k an hour, we offer two convenient price points:
"I'm turning tricks": Jimmy Choo Clue Metallic Leather Sandal in Gold, $L385
"I'm going broke": The Steve Madden Optimom Slingback in Gold Leather, $109.95
4. One Conversation-Starting Accessory: In this line of work, you'd already know whether he wears boxers or briefs, so you need a little somethin'-somethin' else to get the ball rolling. In a nod to the hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold ethos, we bring you the "I do it in service of" necklace, to show your solidarity with the real ladies of the night. Each Storyville locket is inspired by a location within, or actual prostitute who worked in, the New Orleans "legal" red light district of the same name, which thrived between 1897-1917. We're partial to the Miss Belle Boyd shown here, a 2" Victorian locket, featuring an amethyst stone, fleur de lis, and "BB" engraving on the back, $595—though less spendy options also exist.
5. A Little Wonder Down Under: Because apparently the je ne sais quoi that no hooker today is without is a "magic vagina." Which is somewhat mysterious because nobody but Kate Beckinsale seems to know what it means. But we figure an avant-garde bikini wax couldn't hurt. (We mean, other than the pain factor.) Which is why we recommend seeing a professional. But if you wanted to doubledown with a D.I.Y. custom tint, this kit will do the trick.
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