A study suggests that over 13 minutes is too long.
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Isn’t the quickie something to be enjoyed because it is a break from the usual big show? It’s like the lightning round is exciting because it's faster than normal. If the whole game was that fast they would just call it 'the round'. Enough with the foreplay (is this thing on?), a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine states that 7 to 13 minutes of sex is optimal. And that even a 3-minute go of it is ‘adequate.’ There’s no time to think about baseball. There’s not even time to cook an egg. Keep in mind that a minute of sex burns roughly 4 calories.
We’d suspected this, but it looks like Sting’s (and P-Diddy, to a lesser extent) marathon sex sessions are just a waste of motion and the 45-pump chump is a model of efficiency and efficacy. At some point, it’s just showing off. The quote that made us think the whole world has gone upside down: "Usually women are quite happy with short intercourse, and are not bothered about prolonging it at all, but nearly all men want it to be much, much longer," Dr. Jane Howard. Is everyone on crazy pills? What about multiples Os? What about guys liking to bang one out, play a little X-Box, and call it a night? Isn’t making the beast with two backs (or any permutation of backs and fronts) supposed to be sensual? If Ludacris and Missy Elliot knew this and intentionally misled us, we’ll never forgive them.
Check out this sketch from Dave Chappelle to get a visual on this sitch (about 1:30 into the video).