We got in a fight over rice.
We were standing in Aisle 6 of Kroger on Sunday night because Fred had sweetly said he was going to cook me dinner. He asked me what starch I wanted. Rice-a-roni, I said immediately. It's a deliciously sodium-rich guilty pleasure of mine. Fred made a face and picked up a box of Zataran's beans and rice. I don't like beans and rice.
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I scoffed and said, "I thought you were cooking dinner for me. Why did you ask me if you were just going to make what you wanted anyway?" We didn't speak for the rest of the night.
The next day, I woke up in the morning and cringed. Did I really not speak to my fiancé for 4 hours and go to bed irritated with him over a side dish? I grabbed my computer and e-mailed him at work. "I'm so sorry about last night. Not sure why I was so pissy. Still love me?"
For the record, I was truly sorry and I did think I over-reacted, but I also thought that he should have apologized. We had gotten into a similar argument over our wedding photographer. We had decided on one package and then later I thought another package was more suitable for us. I asked him what he thought. He liked the first package. I explained why I thought we should go with the second package.
He got irritated and said "If you didn't care about my opinion, why did you ask me?" I immediately apologized because I cared that I had hurt his feelings.
In the aisle at Kroger, Fred did not apologize even though he had disregarded my opinion, much as I disregarded his about the photographer. I was sure that after taking a day to think it over and with me taking the first mature step and apologizing for my part in the ridiculous tiff, that he would write back how asininely he had acted as well.
Fred's response? "Not mad. How's your morning?"
Irritating. SO insanely irritating. But I let it go. Or at least I thought I let it go. That night we went out to eat with his family for his sister's birthday. We were sitting next to his mother at the front of the restaurant waiting for his dad and sister to show up, and I turned to Fred and said, "I wish you had apologized yesterday."
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"What for?" was his response. That's all it took. My flood gates opened and we calmly but firmly started talking in circles about rice, apologies, photographers and the silent treatment. All within earshot of my future mother-in-law. Nice.
All I wanted him to understand was that if I'm upset, I want him to care that I'm upset and apologize. Just like I did when I realized I'd upset him about the wedding photographer. To me, it's a simple concept. I don't know if Fred really gets it, but I do know one thing for sure— at our wedding we're not throwing Rice a Roni.