How can couples work towards healthy boundaries?
Relationships need breathing space. It's OK to have moments when you feel very close to your partner and moments when you don't. It could be a period in your lives when other things are taking precedence, like a job or kids. Boundaries shift and change, so intimacy is only moments in a relationship.

What is most important for couples to know when discussing boundaries?
Flexibility is key—it allows couples to open or close the shutters as the circumstances warrant.

TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT?
Answer 1 for always, 2 for sometimes, 3 for never.

1. Do you go into your partner’s purse or wallet?

2. Do you use your partner's possessions without asking?

3. Do you leave the door open when using the bathroom?

4. Do you make plans for both of you without consulting your partner?

5. Do you discuss your relationship with other people?

6. Do you disclose information about your partner to outsiders?

7. Do you tell your partner what not to eat, wear, and do?

8. Do you criticize your partner's appearance?

9. Do you restrict or are you jealous of your partner's friendships with other men?

10. Do you restrict or are you jealous of your partner's friendships with other women?

11. Do you criticize your partner's family?

12. Do you make reproductive or contraceptive decisions alone?

13. Do you read your partner's mail or email?

14. Do you make important personal or relationship decisions unilaterally?

15. Do you label, explain or deride your partner's feelings to him or her?

16. Do you speak in the "Royal We?"

17. Do you get so involved in your partner’'s problems that you lose sight of your own feelings?

18. Does how your partner feels about you affect how you feel about yourself?

19. Do you think about your partner's problems even when they have nothing to do with you or you’re not together?

20. When your partner is mad at someone, do you get angry with him or her, too?

SCORING KEY:
20-30
More Connected Than Separate
Your relationship boundaries are highly permeable; you tend to lose yourself in your partner and may have difficulty distinguishing your needs and feelings. While some things may not seem like boundary invasions to you (e.g., the open bathroom door policy), your partner may feel differently, so it's worth checking out his or her views on these subjects. The danger in this much permeability is that if you and your partner don't see things the same way, you may not feel whole. When you don’t have your relationship, but you are it, you depend on your partner's love and approval to maintain your emotional equilibrium.

31-50
Both Connected and Separate
Your relationship boundaries are moderately permeable, which is the most adaptive position in an intimate relationship. There is enough togetherness to maintain a couple bond, but not so much that it stifles individuality. Again, some of these areas may or may not feel like "emotional trespassing" to either or both of you, but just to make sure you’re on the same page, ask your partner to take the quiz, too, and compare results.