Ah, Valentine’s Day, the one annual holiday where couples-only need apply. It’s one thing to keep your Valentine happy in the short term. Expensive baubles and dinners will do that. For the long haul, however, more original techniques are required. Having taken the vow, everyone wants a long, loving and happy marriage, yet half of all marriages are destined to fail. As a 42 year old male Manhattanite who’s been with the same woman for 17 years, married 12 and had a child for 5 I think I have a few tricks to keep your mate happy. To whit:
1. Sex. Put out or get out. Marriage is, among other things, a convenient means of getting laid on a regular basis. Or it should be. Granted, the pelvic coals may dim a bit with time, but if they’re completely dark then Fix The Problem. Do it even if you don’t want to; and if you don’t want to, figure out why. A shrink, Viagra, porn, whips, chains, shopping, whatever it takes. If you’re too busy, put an entry in the calendar. Just tired? Get more sleep.
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2. Kissing. Do it early, often and randomly. When you or the Missus leaves for work in the morning, give each other a kiss. Just had a fight over who forgot to make the coffee? Kiss anyway. There’s no better martial lubricant than a good smooch. As for the random part, I kiss my wife whenever she sneezes.
3. Flowers. Men, listen to me. Never, never buy flowers for birthdays, anniversaries or, most importantly, Valentine’s Day. If she expects floral delights and you fail to satisfy, you’re screwed. If you remember these occasions with flowers, she’s happy, but you’re just doing your job. Instead, give on a whim. Since it’s a surprise, there’s no possibility for disappointment. For The Big Day, save yourself the 60 bucks you’ll sink on a dozen American Beauties and FedEx her a couple of pieces of Stroehmann’s finest with a note telling her she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. She’ll love your originality and fiscal restraint. Women, just buy flowers. Guys do like them. Your man may feign embarrassment, but he’ll be warm and happy on the inside. 10 Simple Things Women Want
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