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Chief Executive...Housewife?

How one newlywed woman fell head over heels for housekeeping.

To give myself extra motivation, I had invited our friends Mike and Pegg over for dinner. By 7 pm, I had to have a clean apartment and dinner ready, or I wouldn't just be a bad wife--I'd be a bad hostess, too.

I surveyed my surroundings. Shoes and grocery bags littered the area by the entrance way. The kitchen table was covered in dirty cereal bowls and various newspaper sections. My feet picked up crumbs each time I walked near the sink, which also seemed to be the source of a decomposing smell wafting into the rest of the apartment.

Start with 3 Cups of Lemon Juice
I dug in, ready to face the worst corner of the apartment, the kitchen. I relied on Martha Stewart's theory that lemons are one of the world's greatest cleaning tools. She recommends simmering half a dozen lemon slices in water for 10 minutes. In an effort to save time, I squeezed lemon juice around the sink and down the drain, which seemed to replace the bad smell with a fresh, citrus-infused one.

A clean sink: Check. That’s what appeals to me about being a housewife: Unlike at an office job, where the goals are often unclear and generated by someone else, housewifery involves very specific tasks that are met in quick succession: Sweep the floor. Make dinner. Do the dishes. I could cross them off my list. Plus, they made me feel rooted and safe--the exact opposite emotions that are evoked from a stressful, challenging job.

Add ¼ Cup of Calm
While Sujay relaxed on our futon reading the last Harry Potter, I wrapped myself in my red apron and started measuring out cups of flower and sugar for dessert and then chopping vegetables for our salad. As casserole dishes went into the oven and diced vegetables piled up, one might think that could be overwhelming, yet I started to feel a sense of calm and accomplishment--two feelings I rarely experience at work, where a typical project is only completed after weeks of coordinating between multiple colleagues.

I'm not saying I was having the time of my life. I’d been on my feet for at least four hours and they were beginning to ache. An hour before Mike and Pegg arrived, Sujay realized I hadn't said anything for awhile. He gave me a shoulder rub, and then started spontaneously dusting the apartment, a level of cleaning I don't think I have ever even attempted. And that, it turns out, is precisely what Dr. Laura predicts will happen. The more tasks wives do around the house--and the less nagging--then the more their husbands will happily to do their share, she insists. I never thought I would agree with Dr. Laura on much, but in this regard, she seems to be right.

Mix in 6 Tablespoons of Self-Esteem
Dinner, if I do say so myself, was fabulous. Mike and Pegg gushed over the creamy garlic sauce. In my last-minute dash to get everything on the table at the same time, I ended up using Paul Newman’s dressing instead of making my own, but no one seemed to mind. By the time I presented the chocolate cake, I felt like a hostess extraordinaire. The day ended much better than it began: With a glass of wine in my hand, a clean apartment surrounding me, and a gourmet meal in my stomach, the relaxing after-effects of a night spent with good friends soothed my mind. Sujay took out the garbage and finished the dishes while I put my feet up.

In the months since that day, I've learned to embrace the part of me that wants to be a housewife, instead of suppressing it.

Can you relate?

Discussion

Posted February 13, 2008

I'd be really interested in how you feel after a few years of this.

I agree that housekeeping involves specific tasks that are met in quick succession, and that it is satisfying to tick them off the list. However the endless 'round and round and round' of it all gets to me. You clean the toilet this week, and all is well, but you still need to clean it next week, and the week after, and the week after that... and the same goes for all the other things on the list. At times I see my whole life winding out in front of me as a series of endlessly repeated tasks. I can literally pciture this in my mind - the way you see yourself at the hairdressers with a mirror in front and behind.

I have been married for just over a year, and have been living with my husband for seven years. We view housekeeping as a shared role to which we contribute equally. Our house is clean and tidy but not obsessively so.

I hear where you're coming from re: the opposition between your domestic and independent, empowered sides and the struggle to reconcile the two. For me the struggle is ongoing.

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Posted February 13, 2008

Thanks, Donna... yes, I am also curious how I will feel in a few years! And once you add kids to the picture I'm sure it gets much more complicated. The thing that surprised me, though, is that I actually _enjoy_ housework - somehow it is relaxing and grounding to me.

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