5 Things I Wish I Knew About Sex at 30
Sex tips from a seasoned lover who wishes she'd learned certain lessons sooner.
Finally, I wish I had appreciated all that my body could do and not wasted time on my ridiculous list of imperfections. When you get to your Prime years you realize that a healthy body is a great body—and I have been blessed with one that still has all its parts, still loves and appreciates sex, and still has the capacity to make me and my partner feel blissful in each other's arms. So much time wasted over fretting about weight, breast size or butt shape! The guy who wants you, wants you. I have learned to believe that the most important thing is to let someone adore you and enjoy whatever moment you have together without inhibition. I wish I had given myself that same permission and satisfaction a long time ago.
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D, is the author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.
Discussion
I began in my 20's and up without having a clue to what I was doing, so I just went along with it. Now that I'm in my 30's I am comfortable doing and expressing. Sometimes I'm still shy, but playing around I tell my husband something that I could've never done years ago and he liked it, I thought he would have a negative responde but no.. Alot of latin women are afraid to express what they want to their husbands of 30 or more years and I don't agree with that. We have to be great in and out bed so our husbands doesn't find one that will.
I like this article a lot and I think the most important take-away for me is the message about loving your body the way that it is (and is NOT). The self-loving piece just makes everything that more erotic in the bedroom--for both of you.
In my 20s, I thought all sex was wonderful.
By my 40s, I knew that every sexual experience was ... differentiable. Like artwork. Ranging from icky to banal to exquisite, depending on how the neurons were firing.
That is, if you're doing it right.
I agree with the comment that this site is very Cosmo-like. I liked this article and I agree with the points that are made. However, no one ever answers the questions that I have about sex and all the "advice" and "pointers" are the same over and over and over again. I've tried them all. I can blow any man's mind in bed with all that I have learned...but as far as me "getting mine." HA! I've tried all the suggestions and it never works. I've given up.
My husband is the most outrageous lover I've ran accross and I don't know what I would do if he werent around and I had to start dating because you are right before I got married I had a few partners and they didnt have a clue or want one!
Cosmo drives me nuts! They are constantly printing headlines about amazing new sex secrets, but the information is never really new. But I guess it's partly my fault for picking up the magazine and looking inside.
And I've been frustrated recently that so many articles for women are sex tips for how to please a guy. I think there used to be more out there about what women need. The books by the Berman sisters seem good to me.
You might want to post a specific question on the forum section of the website.
I have tried all this stuff because my super hot girl friend who I love from the neck up aswell, took me down this road. All day love making in bed, see how many times we can get each other to ***, etc..... I now know what foreplay means and exploring each others bodies for days. If you would like my take then here it goes. I love my girl friend dearly and would do anything for her including all this stuff and she deserves it all. I would not trade her in for a donut shop virgin or a harem of Russia's finest models. I feel like the typical guy that looks just like Pierce Brosnan with a perfect health and fitness physique. I can have anyone I want but am only a 1 woman per life time person. My gf doesn't have a bad physical trait or smell on her anywhere and is hotter then Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie put together. My feelings are that I am not interested in making love for hours or days!!!!!!! My best most exciting time in bed is when I am lucky enough to be oraled and finish in 4 minutes. I do like to cuddle for extended times but the rest of the time I would rather talk to her, play tennis, or fly my remote control helicopter. I have a MBA and have everything I could ever want and now have a 40 something nimpho maniac that is reading this stuff and thinks this will take us to better places for our relationship, ugh!!!!!!!! Are you guys just board here?? Did you never have good love making in your life?? I think this is like me trying to explain to my best guy friend how a play by play trip to a good pee feels in the boy rest room. It is just a necessary system draining to me. Yes I love looking in her eyes and sharing every breath but not for hours. I get board, I do it but really I am thinking of fixing my car, or what show I could be watching on tv. Maybe male brains and female brains are really different.
Normal Honest Guy
I have a silly notion about the nail thing. I'm an less attractive man than a woman like you would date: I think less attractive men because of the stereotypes given to them such as fat ones have more stress and they made up the nail thing because it feels better when you're too stressed to feel the entire effects. If it has a messy shirt it may like nails.
Mostly I find this site to be Cosmo-esque (that is *not* a compliment, by the by.) This is a very fine article, however.
I'm with you on the part about looking back and wishing you knew how to be more adventurous with the great bod of your youth. And too much worry about imperfections. I often see young hotties with their push up bras and wonder if they know what they've got or whether they worry because their thighs touch. So now I'm perimenopausal but have multiple orgasms 100% of the time (thanks to an appreciative husband). Give me sags and wrinkles, no contest!
