Yesterday (February 7th) federal and New York state authorities completed the biggest sweep up of mafia figures in history. 80 members of various families were rolled up. That means that some mafia princesses will definitely need a Don in the near future. And since no one is meeting people on their own any more, this is a prime opportunity for a website to exploit a niche.

Hey, what’s a classy broad like you doing all alone? Is your man a guest of the state, out with some puttana, or even morta? We got a program for you. We got friends of ours that are ready to meet and greet. No jabrones and no jamooks, just good fellas. Hey, no one wants to eat alone. Check out some of ladies currently looking:

Carmela
I’m a 5’2” Italian-American currently looking for someone to spend time with for the next 20 years to life. I like a strong man who likes pinstriped suits and pocket squares. I enjoy walks on the beach, fast cars, and starting companies that bring in more money than possible for a sole proprietorship. Willing to forgive small indiscretions as long as my face isn’t rubbed in it.

Karen
I’m a 5’4” Italian-Jewish-American. I just got my lips and tits done, so some people think I look like Sofia Loren. I’m sick and tired of living in Scottsdale, Arizona as part of ‘the program.’ I’m looking to get back East or at least to Vegas. I don’t mind being in the wind. Definitely not a schifosa. I’m used to a certain lifestyle so I need a man of at least capo status. No finooks and no chiacchierones.

Linda
I’m a 5’1” Italian-American with a little more to love. Have been terribly lonely since my Paulie went fishing. It’s just so lonely. At first, all the gals brought by casseroles and I’d have an envelope of bills in my mailbox every other Friday. Now no one stops by. I can count bills, I can add baby powder to stuff, and I can take things in my name without asking questions. Sorry to get musciata here but I need a man. Someone with some stugots and I can’t live like a poverett no more. And if you’re seeing someone on the side, I’ll deal with it as long as you don’t rub my face in it.

Read more from the NY Times about this mob sweep up...