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Celebrity Breakups: Lily Allen & Jessica Alba

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These two celeb are having a rough go of it in love.

We don’t mean to imply that Lily Allen broke up with Jessica Alba. That would be newsworthy, we just have neither the time nor patience to split this up. So, Lily first.

Lily Allen and Ed Simons

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According to 411mania.com, Lily Allen appears to have been dumped by the Chemical Brothers boyfriend Ed Simons. This comes less than a month after suffering a miscarriage. We’ve always thought that Ms Allen was a touch, um, eccentric. Eccentric enough that if you put her in a room with Bijou Phillips, someone might come out missing an eye. The Smile singer appeared to be really into Ed Simons. She quit therapy, was ready to quit music, and was happy to move to the country for kids and livestock. We’re guessing that some angry music and sessions with a psychologist might be in her near future. We’ve never been sure of what the timing is for dumping someone after they experience a tragedy. There’s probably a matrix that correlates the severity of the tragedy with how hard you’ve tried to ‘make it work’ and time.

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Jessica Alba and Cash Warren

OK, the other news. It looks like Jessica Alba and Cash Warren are breaking up (according to BricksAndStonesGossip.com). And she is fed up with being pregnant and plans on not having any more kids. A) We all know how this movie ends. Reconciliation. B) You would think that Cash Dub would be a little slicker. She is reasonably nice-looking, has an acceptable body, and is a relatively big star. Maybe he should follow Seth Rogen’s lead from Knocked Up and take out his aggression on her hormones. “F*ck you, hormones.” C) We once heard it said that no matter how hot a lady is, no matter how cool and fun she seems, there is some guy out there that is sick of her $hit. Just sayin’. We’re guessing that the theory works for men too, though no one has once ever been sick of George Clooney. It’s not possible.

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