YourTango is your community for love, sex, dating, and relationship advice. Community | Feedback
User login
  1. I forgot my password!
Logging you in, please wait...
Login Sign Up

Meet The Campaign Widows

Having a spouse who's a campaign staffer can hit a marriage hard.

For spouses married to presidential campaign staffers, the fight for the American Dream has never hit so close to home. Like a handful of other spouses, I have sacrificed over a year of my marriage for a campaign. Only I am the one needing the guts, while it seems my husband gets all the glory. I am the wife of a senior staffer on the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign.

For thirteen months, I have gone to sleep alone, watched TIVO fill up with programs he'll never have time to watch, and attended family events at my sons' schools as a single mom. I keep telling myself "we're" in it to win, but the road is long, bumpy and lonely.

We are a frustrated yet optimistic bunch, we husbands and wives of presidential campaign staffers. We knew what we were getting into, but we didn't know it would hit home this hard. As our spouses work ridiculously long hours and attend grueling but often glamorous fundraising events (sprinkled with celebrities and star athletes), we work equally long ones at home—taking care of the kids sunrise to sundown and doing decidedly unglamorous work like garbage duty and dishes.

Blackberries are blacking out marriages. Our spouses' voicemails are too full to accept our messages. Friday nights once reserved for family dinners are overcome by donor requests and the latest poll results. Home life is subject to the ebb and flow of the campaigns. A good news story for a spouse's candidate on CNN can bring him home in a great mood. Some bad press can ruin an anniversary. A campaign communications crisis can botch an attempt to simply have coffee.

The daily telephone calls to touch base—which my husband and I have done for more than fifteen years—have fallen by the wayside. In the first campaign year, I think I called him at work just four times: once when the babysitter called me to report our house had a gas leak; once when I fell down the stairs; once when I couldn’t find where he left the dog’s leash, and once when our basement flooded.

A whole informal "campaign widows club" is out there. On January's Iowa Caucus night, Lisa Spies of Washington, DC hosted a "Returns Dinner" for five spouses of campaign staffers. Her husband of four years couldn’t attend; he’s living in Boston, working as Mitt Romney's CFO and counsel. Though Spies and her husband try to meet when they can—they spent New Year's Eve in Boston, a block from campaign headquarters—the day-to-day is living alone. "I've become close to my cat," she says. Spies and her husband went to New Hampshire for the primary, but she was with donors, he was with campaign staff. Spies herself is a successful political fundraiser and volunteers as the DC chairwoman for "Women for Mitt." But even this involvement doesn’t keep her from being a campaign widow.

Can you relate?

Discussion

Join the Discussion!

Login or sign up now - it's fun, easy, and free. We'll keep your seat warm for you!

Custom Newsletter 2

Partner Widget

Recommended for You

Login or Sign Up for a personalized YouTango experience.
See all or Ask your own question!