I came across an absolutely befuddling story in London's Daily Mail today. "Sorry, but marriage and sex DON'T go together" is a profile of Carrie Jones, author of the forthcoming memoir Cutting Up Playgirl: A Cheerful Memoir of Sexual Disappointment. Jones is a self-described middle class mother of two who professes not to have had sex with her husband, Hal—"a good man and a great dad"—for the past four years. Moreover, she's pledged to remain celibate until her children are grown—at which point she plans to leave the marriage. Making sense of this wasn't a cinch. At first we were inclined to narrow our eyes and name Jones the villain: No sex? In four years!? While married to a stand-up guy? Sorry, sister, but we're just not with you. Then we read further and learned: Before they were married, Mr. and Mrs. Jones got it on an average of 5 times a week. Okay, we reasoned, maybe the passion had gone flaccid. Sigh. Yet, read to the end, and Jones drops the biggest bombshell in this whole weird tale: In her life, this now-sexless temptress boasts 23 lovers—that in itself is not of note, but what is, is that of the 23, she claims only one—ONE—ever caused her to orgasm. And, nope, twasn't hubby. Which means three things:
1) We're not sure how her memoir could be all that cheerful, really. 2) We give Jones free rein to search far and wide (and fast) for her own Mr. Darcy. 3) We've cancelled all future plans to visit the British Isles.
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But, lest you buy into this publicity stunt, we firmly believe marriage and sex and orgasms go better together than chocolate, peanut butter and pedicures. Still worried? Advice to ensure you don't go the way of the Joneses: Want A Sexy Marriage? Advice You'd Never Expect.