False Celebrity Engagement Rumors

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Word on the street is wrong about Jake/Reese and Scarlett/ Ryan.

There are rumors out that there that a few hot Hollywood couples are riding the engagement train. We know, there’s always rumors that some IT (not information technology) couple is going to tie the knot soon. We’ve been hearing that Jay-z and Beyoncé are going to lock it up (or have locked it up) any day now. But today’s rumor quashing is about Scarlett/ Ryan and Reese/ Jake.

We’re going to buck convention and start with the second couple first. Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal make an adorable couple. They look like they’re ready to break out in song or bake cookies at any time. And there have been oodles of photos with these two and her kids. Jake G looks ready to take over the role of papa at any time (not the kind of papa you’re thinking of, though he does sport a bearish beard, “like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal to me”). But alas, the rumors are falsetto. Her marriage to Ryan Phillippe was finally put to bed late last year. She may not be ready to do anything for realsie yet. Or ever. These two could be a nice update to Kurt Russell-Goldie Hawn. If Ryan Gosling and Rachel Mcadams are done, these guys need to pick up the cute couple slack.

The New York Daily News reported that Scarlett Johansson (ScarJo) and Ryan Reynolds (Double R) are engaged. ScarJo says no dice. Maybe the Daily News got a bad tip. Or maybe they scooped Ryan Reynolds out of a surprise proposal. He’s been on the engagement super highway before. He was engaged to Alanis Morissette for like three years (“you, you, you ought to knoooooow”). They broke it off in February of 2007. And he started dating ScarJo in March of 2007. Which means they’ve been dating like ten months. That’s at least a year and a half in Hollywood time, which means that an engagement wouldn’t be out of the question. These guys are our smolderingly hot couple compared to the preciousness of Gyllenhaal-Witherspoon. We’re guessing that a leaked sex tape of Scarlett and Ryan would be one of the greatest selling/ downloaded pieces of media ever. We’re talking somewhere between the Harry Potter and the periodic table of elements.

Glad we could clear this up. And we would like to make Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds, and, what the hey-hey, Andy Samberg first alternates to our Top Ten Bachelor Party Invite List (check it out here).

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