Are Sex Parties The New Vibrator?

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are sex parties the new vibrators
What happens when a virgin partygoer spends a Saturday night swinging?

"If you can't talk to each other, you can't be polyamorous," says Barbara*, who lives in San Francisco with her partner of 12 years and their new baby. "So much in the beginning is about talking about your feelings, your actions, what's acceptable, how it makes you feel, examining the relationship and yourself. You have to be completely honest, open about everything, or serious problems arise."

I was glad to see that everyone at Club Kiss that night wanted to be there; I didn't see any arguments or angry faces on couples leaving early, which would have harshed my mellow and cast a blight on the party atmosphere.

"If someone is arguing about whether they want to be at a sex party, they don't want to be there," says Dr. Queen. "And no one wants to overhear the drama of the people they might be about to meet and have sex with an hour later. It's not part of the etiquette to make a space for that."

Is Everybody Really Doing It?

Despite their growing popularity, sex parties are not exactly mainstream. Most partygoers are cautious about revealing their hobby to others. Even in sex-positive San Francisco, my sources are concerned about their identities, asking to be mentioned only by first names or pseudonyms.

This is not out of shame, says Barbara. Rather, it is out of respect for other people's boundaries. Their parents, bosses and children do not need to be burdened with images of what they do on their play dates. (Dr. Queen assures me that in 16 years, Queen of Heaven has never had a guest's parents or children show up at the same party.)

I left the party without doing anything more exotic than flirting, yet feeling as if I'd just taken another step in my sexual journey. I can see why parties appeal to women—and why women run the show.

Polly says she wants to lead another sexual revolution and create a world where everyone comes together to make love. I certainly would not be surprised if women continue to cast off old fetters and redefine the scope of female—and human—sexuality.

Meanwhile, I intend to practice my pole dancing before the next Club Kiss.

Regina Lynn is the award-winning Sex Drive columnist at Wired.com and the author of Sexier Sex: Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier (Seal Press).

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