Despite their growing popularity, sex parties are not exactly mainstream. Most partygoers are cautious about revealing their hobby to others. Even in sex-positive San Francisco, my sources are concerned about their identities, asking to be mentioned only by first names or pseudonyms.

This is not out of shame, says Barbara. Rather, it is out of respect for other people's boundaries. Their parents, bosses and children do not need to be burdened with images of what they do on their play dates. (Dr. Queen assures me that in 16 years, Queen of Heaven has never had a guest's parents or children show up at the same party.)

I left the party without doing anything more exotic than flirting, yet feeling as if I'd just taken another step in my sexual journey. I can see why parties appeal to women—and why women run the show.

Polly says she wants to lead another sexual revolution and create a world where everyone comes together to make love. I certainly would not be surprised if women continue to cast off old fetters and redefine the scope of female—and human—sexuality.

Meanwhile, I intend to practice my pole dancing before the next Club Kiss.

Regina Lynn is the award-winning Sex Drive columnist at Wired.com and the author of Sexier Sex: Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier (Seal Press).

Know Before You Go

• Sex clubs are often not in the nicest neighborhoods due to their adult nature and city zoning laws; research transportation and parking options in advance.
• Ask about the alcohol policy before you go. Many parties don't allow it at all, while others permit you to bring your own.
• It only takes one drunk to ruin a party for everyone.
• Hosts and communities take the rules very seriously. Heed them.
• Most parties have a place to leave your clothes, but leave valuables at home.
• It's always a good idea to bring your own safer sex supplies, although many parties provide condoms, gloves and lube.
• It's okay to watch but don't point, snicker or otherwise become a lookey-loo. That's rude.
• If someone is aggressive or obnoxious, notify the hosts. Again, it only takes one jerk to ruin the event for everyone else.

Resources: Is There A Sex Party Near You?

Polly and Scott: www.themoralminority.net
Voyeur Events: www.voyeurevents.com
Fetish Factory: www.fetishfactory.com/
Center for Sex and Culture: www.sexandculture.org
Eros Guide: www.eros-la.com/classifieds/eroscities.htm