Short Man in Love
One (vertically challenged) writer comes up short in the romance department.
There's no lack of short relationships with men, you just don't see a lot of short men in relationships. Whether it is ultimately natural selection at work or just an inability to spot smaller men in a crowd is anyone's guess. You'll find dozens of couples every day at the Big & Tall. But there aren't a lot of wedding registries in the children's department of Barneys. On the dating rack, people are extra-large in love with no room left for the little guy.
Fairfield, CT. 1993. My first formal dance, I’m scuffling along in shoes meant for a Clydesdale. Rental tuxedo sleeves threaten to swallow my hands. My date is 5'10''. I'm 5’3”. This won't end well.
The picture on the mantle tells the story. She has me by half a foot. Her dress is simple, blue, and seemingly endless. Her arm is on my shoulder in a way-to-go buddy gesture.
Pink and grey balloons reflect in the mirrors over the parquet dance floor. It's Saturday night at the Knights of Columbus. The bass dies. On cue, the DJ breathes heavily into his microphone. My tongue burns from Binaca. It's a slow dance, the first of the night.
It's over before it even starts. My eyes never leave the top of my dance partner's dress. I want to make eye contact, but I can't. Under other circumstances and raised with different morals, I might have enjoyed the position I was in. Instead, my uncooperative shoes lurch towards my date's unprotected toes.
By the end of the song, I'm standing on a chair. My date heads for the bathroom as the last chords of 'I'm the One Who Wants to Be With You,' mercifully fade away. My hot cheeks are as pink as the dance-floor balloons. We won't dance again that night.
Just 24 hours earlier we had been sitting and kissing at the movies. Great date. But it all unraveled when we stood to dance.
Boston, MA, 2001. Against my better judgment, I take a girl I like on a walking date. However, I’ve abandoned dating taller women and with a two-inch height advantage, I like my chances. Inside The Children’s Museum, a painted blue strip runs the length of the wall in the human body exhibit, noting the average height of men and women in society.
"I'm shorter than 90 percent of men," I cheerfully inform Kate. The top of my head stands just below the blue line.
"Nope, you're shorter than 95 percent of the population," she responds.
"Ah, can't be," I stammer.
"It's right there. 90 percent of men are in the blue stripe, five percent above and five percent below. You're in the bottom five percent," Kate says, not unkindly.
It is then that I realize I have condemned my future children to a life of holding the chalkboard sign in elementary school photos.
Portland, ME, 2002. Kate is now my girlfriend.
Discussion
I am a 5'2" woman, and my current boyfriend of 2 years is the exact same height. I love it! I find that when a guy is the same height as you they really treat you like more of an equal. Being a somewhat small girl, I am used to being somewhat belittled by men I was dating; like I was this cute little shoulder accessory or something. With a guy my size, however, it's like we're true companions.
For the record, my boyfriend is not rich or anything (we go Dutch on most dates), and if I do say myself, I am pretty smokin' hot.
For the short guys: Don't throw yourself a pity party! Short guys are much more attractive when they don't have a complex about their size. Stay confident, and stay in good shape (don't work out too much, your not doing yourself any favors by being the short guy who overcompensates by having crazy huge muscles), and keep trying! Sure, most girls prefer taller guys, but there are plenty of us out there who like 'em short - you just have to find us!
For the ladies: If you haven't already, give short guys a chance. In my experience, height has no correlation with sizes of *certain body parts*, and since most ladies overlook the short guys, there are plenty of really great short men who are still single, snag 'em while you can!
Very cute article even if I can't relate to the ending. I'm 5'6" with glasses. Plain looking. A NICE guy as a person. Get the picture? Haha. My own decades long experience has been that for 90% of the female population I have been essentially invisible. For the other 10%, the ones not afraid to say what they feel, I have been a YUK. You know what a YUK is. 4 thumbs down, right?
I am now of an age, senior citizen, where height no longer has much meaning since the women my group have finally gotten it into their stupid heads that a life of always choosing things based solely upon appearance isn't always the most rewarding. But for my part, I no longer care. Love is a word to me with no personal meaning since I have never had the opportunity to be a part of it. And I have zero interest in trying to finally make something with a person who has completely ignored me my entire life solely because I failed to measure up, no pun intended, to some rediculous image of what a MAN is suppose to be.
When I want female companionship I simply pay by the hour or longer. Maybe that's not the way it was suppose to happen but life deals each person a unique set of roads to travel.
I see so much misery and tragedy in this world and I am thankful everyday for the many assests that I enjoy. I have a nice home, eat well, good health, and a strong curiousity to always go a bit farther to see what is over the next hill.
So many people have so little while others are unhappy with what they do have. If I have been shortchanged (darn, what's with all these words relating to height?) in some areas I have hopefully been able to compensate in others. Hey, I'm Still Kicking!
I always preferred to date a man who is taller than me for what I thought were obvious reasons. However that has not been the case. It seems that taller men are not interested. I've, for the most part dated shorter men. I have learned that a man is a man, it is not his height that makes him a man it is his character. Food for thought???
Attitude my friend. I'm 5'7" and (thanks to God) have lived a very fulfilling life. Many successful men I've met in the military have been my height or even shorter (officer and enlisted)! Learn to let go of things you can't change and influence the things you can change. You can't change your height nor how people will treat you. Trying to change things beyond your control is called impotence, and you don't want to be an impotent man. However, you can control how you react to the external negativity (do you ignore them? do you grow bitter? do you let them make you look deep into yourself and find where your true strength lies?).
Once you learn to find peace with your height (and other "limitations") and discover what truly makes you a man (character, honor, integrity, etc.), you will exude a peace and confidence that will attract decent people vs. shallow ones. Of course, there will always be shallow people out there who will always look down on you due to your height (I meet them all the time) but why do you care ... they won't even care if you live or die. If you're CONSTANTLY running into these negative situations, then maybe you're hanging in the wrong crowds and looking for friends in the wrong places. So cheer up, try to look at this world differently, and seek out people who will value you for who you are as a human being and not an impersonal stereotyped image.
I'm 5'1" tall and I am below the 5 percentile mark. Yet I have had many girlfriends and am now married with a beautiful daughter.
It was difficult in high school to date because of my own confidence level, and my own "perfect" woman. Once I realized that I was narrowing my choices too much, and opened up my options to all women I was much more successsful. Like Dennis Kuchinich, I have dated a much taller women, with one being 5'10" tall. We were together for over 3 years and our height was not the reason we broke up. My wife is 5'4".
There is discrimination against shorter men, and we have to play the numbers game much more often in order to be successful in dating but it is possible. In the work environment, sales, and self-employment are great options where you can build a career without false glass ceilings.
I'm just under 5'7", and it has destroyed me. I haven't had a date in 12 years. I joined the infantry, and was ridiculed there...and never got promoted, let alone the award I was put in for by the one superior that could see past my lack of size. The last 100+ women I've asked out have turned me down. I try to stay in shape, I'm relatively intelligent, and never go Napoleon (I'll bet I've been dismissed because of the possibility, though). How could I possibly have any more confidence???
5'9" is tall when you rarely wear less than a 3" heel. By the way, I don't have anything against tall men. I have a 6'4" son. But I've also tried to ingrain in him that he's not a superior human being because he's tall (he also looks like a movie star and I don't like big egos). My husband is maybe 5'7" first thing in the morning (when you're tallest). But I will say almost uniquvocally after years of experience that I've never attracted a tall man. And I don't think tall men are intimidated by tall women. Rather, diminished might be a better description of the feeling I get from them. Sort of like "get off my turf." I actually think short men suffer more discrimination from other men than from women. Masculinity comes from within and shorter men seem to excude it. Every tall woman I know is hooked up with a shorter man.
5'9" on a woman is perfect. I'm 6'2". I am fine with women from 5' to 6'. Tall men intimidated by tall women [5'9" for a woman isn't tall] perhaps they have some latent fantasy of a standing bj?
As a tall woman, I discovered long ago that tall men do not like tall women. That is because being tall is so much of who a tall man is. Tall men feel that tall women are trodding on thier turf. I also believe as the writer's girlfriend beleives - that shorter men are sexier, more manly and more confident. Tall men are like women with big t*ts - they figure being tall is all they need to do to be masculine just like big boobed women figure that big boobs are a free pass.
All of my SOs including my three husbands were either my hieght (5'9") or at least an inch or two shorter. I think short men are attracted to tall women because they want to get the tall gene in the gene pool. My son by by 5'9' husband is 6'4" and my son by my 5'7" husband is 6'1" despite being half Asian. Short guys - marry the tall women. If a shrimpy guy marries a shrimpy woman they have a bunch of shrimpy kids.
it's not the height that matters, it's ones confidence.
Look at Dennis Kucinich.
I'm of medium height and have dated several women taller than me. In bed, the height thing is to an advantage because you line up mouth to mouth without straining up or down to kiss while engaged in other behavior. Viva la amazon!
Hey, what about dating Asian women? There are many very nice asian women and the average height is much less then US North Americans.
There are a number of points on height I want to mention.
First of all, while individual height can obviously vary quite a bit across populations, average height varies to a much smaller degree. Average height has been steadily increasing in all developed countries for a little over the past hundred years. Average male heights are around 5'9''-6'0'', depending on country. Holland is the tallest country at about 6'.5''.
The second point, which is even more overlooked, is that it is the mother's height, not the fathers, that is strongly correlated with their children's height. So a 5'5'' girl and a 6'0'' guy are less likely to produce a 6'00'' male offspring than a 6'00'' female and 5'5'' male. Check wikipedia y'all.
Read Lois Bujold's scifi series about Miles Vorkosigan, a very short (4 ft 9 in) man who succeeds quite well in life. You'll never think about height in the same way after you're introduced to Miles.
Short man here - 5'7 on a good day with helpful shoes. I've dated girls 2 to 3 inches taller, and many girls who were at least my height. Charm, sense of humor and a willingness to please in bed gets you a long way. It used to bother me growing up, and probably contributed to a few insecurities. But as you grow older, you realize that your competition isn't other (taller) men...it's you. Your inner voice. Be confident, feel sexy and never be too shy to at least approach a woman. Oh, and complimenting her outfit and smile never hurts.
Short men can make up for height with faith - hey, it worked for Tom Cruise.....
http://thefiresidepost.com/2008/01/16/mormon-scientologists-for-jehovah-...
Reckon when you're nose to nose you're toes is in it and when you're toes to toes your nose is.
Yeah, well congrats dude, you're a member of the 1% of guys under about 5'8" or so who got lucky. As for the rest of us in the other 99%, dating (or attempting to do so) is like repeatedly smashing your head against a brick wall: Hurts like hell and you aren't going to get anywhere, either. I'm a firm believer in the theory that women are genetically inclined toward a certain body type when choosing likely mates, and that body type happens to be tall. Trying to date short women doesn't work either, or have you never noticed all the petite women arm in arm with guys over 6" in height? Face it... there's just no use trying to fight 10 million years of higher primate evolution. I myself haven't been on a date in over 5 years and have no intention of even trying to have a relationship anymore. I've learned to accept my circumstances and to live and prosper under them, that's really all anyone ever can do if they want to maintain their sanity. Besides, too much emphasis is placed upon relationships and marriage in this country. Despite what your mother may have told you, there really ISN'T "someone out there for everyone."
Hey, I'm 5'5" and for a while I was in a hugely passionate relationship with a 6-foot lass. No problems between us, and the uh, position possibilities were awesome.
But other people definitely did look at us strangely. And prior to that, while internet dating (don't knock it, another positive experience), it was obvious that the vast, vast majority of women wanted a six-foot or taller guy with long hair. Period. Many responses to my respectful approaches were seriously nasty. And I'm in serious shape. Heaven help a short guy with 15 extra pounds and thinning hair. In fact, he's more likely to be called a hairy-backed pervert than receive a simple 'no thanks.'
In fact, I'd say that many (tho not all) modern women are far more focused on men's superficial looks than men are with women. Sure, we may gawk at swimsuit calendars, but in person, most men don't really have a 'type'. If you're cute and interesting, they'll adapt. Not so for all too many women. They call it 'settling,' and it's considered taboo by modern pseudo-feminist authorities.
Women, on the other hand, tend to throw themselves at a long-haired Brad Pitt type, whether or not he's an a-hole. I've got am acquaintance who fits that description to a T, both physically and emotionally, and it's pathetic watching women troop up all moon-eyed to be abused and tossed by him. Even after nasty treatment, quite a few come back for a second helping of abuse. It's wierd. Like they're trying to see if they're good enough to tame the bad boy. And then I have to listen to their whining.
Consequently, I care little when (some) women complain about men's unrealistic expectations for female breast, butt and body mass. The problem isn't 'anorexic' (i.e. thinner than you) models.
And in response to 5'11" poster "a": You go girl. I've learned my lesson. Tall chicks can be schweeet.
But short guys are definitely get ignored, and worse, they're often cruelly ridiculed.
As a woman who is 5'11", I have to say that I don't think height matters. I've only had one boyfriend who was taller. I think shorter men overlook us tall girls sometimes.
You know, short women don't have it all that easy either. I'm not truly short-short at 5'2". but because I look young, I never really had dates until my last year of college because guys thought I looked like a middle schooler! Short women might not face as much height-related discrimination as short men socially, but when it comes to her career, it's probably worse. It's much harder for shorter women to move ahead, to break the glass ceiling. In the film industry, short people, both men and women,are more likely seen as comic relief/side kicks than leading men/ladies.
This is all boilerplate conventional wisdom. Yeah, a lot of women have a fetish for tall men, and a lot of men have a fetish for women with large breasts.
when I was dating, I wasn't interested in a lot of women. I was interested in the few who I might find myself compatible with, several of whom were taller than me and one of whom was 6'3" to my 5'7". The sex was fabulous, by the way.
If you're looking for a partner, quit worrying about all the ones you're not compatible with and be open to those who are.
Improve your chances by becoming good at something, and learn how to listen.
KZ is right. I've never heard this idea that short men are more confident. Decades of rejection and failure don't result in "confidence."
Short is also a problem in Business and Politics . Just think of the phrase in use to admire someone is "to look up to " while
demaning a person is said to be "looking down on them "
In politics it usually is the taller Presidental canidate that wins election
Height shouldn't make a difference. My late companion was 5 inches shorter than me and we were together for 11 years. He was a great partner - and lover. People make too much of superficial things, robbing themselves of potentially satisfying relationships- then complaining they can't find a decent relationship. Short, tall...and?
Does this story have to be 5 pages long? Hi, would you like some story with your ads?
This is in response to lilDs comment. The love of my life is an all around petite guy. He's 5'4 and a 118 lbs on a fat day. I on the other hand am 5'4 ish and not 118 lbs. And honestly when we first started dating I was self conscious, not because he was petite but because I felt as if I looked overpowering compared to him but the feeling didn't last long and I don't think I'd feel that way ever again.
I'm wondering if you hadn't spent too much of your single life defining yourself as "short."
Short men better have something to compenstate -- status is the main thing. Money works well too. Women say they want a man who is funny, compassionate, and intelligent -- and they do, for about half of a date. Then they want to go home with the taller guy. Thats just the way it is.
You can find out how women really almost disdain short men -- go into a "romance" chat room and often, shortness comes up. I had no idea how short men are almost the laughing stock -- its equivalant to being grossly obese. Sure, short men can compensate -- but thats the point, they better have other things going on for them, or they will be lonely a lot more than taller men, all other things being equal.
I'm only 5 foot 4, it's given me plenty of problems trying to find a date. However I am rejected more over not having a job. I work in human rights organizations for no money and I have to meet the public quite a lot. I meet and talk to a few thousand people a year and the loneliness is beyond belief. I truly wish I didn't get attracted to anyone.
My husband is 5'2", I am 5'4".
Height was never an issue with me and I've loved every inch of him for the last 15 years. Too many women miss out by not seeing what's right under their noses.
My cousin goes out with a man much older and much shorter than she is. She's 5'6 and he's 5'3. The male cousin's in our family call him, "Short Man". He has no problems with the nickname. I'm just very tempted to send him a telephone book for April Fool's day so he could be eye-level when he drives.
besides being too short, i'm curious how the tango crowd feels about guys that are much more petite than they are? i dated a guy once who was short but he was stocky, so that was ok. i also dated a guy that was very slight...he was probably average height but his wispiness made me yearn for more manliness. thankfully he was very smart and super funny plus flattered me to no end, so physical dimensions were overlooked.
I thought Anne Meara put it best:
Vertical magnitude has little impact on horizontal endevours.
i hate to be more superficial than everyone else here, but i once flirted with a really funny writer in a bar for hours. When he stood up, he barely grazed my shoulderblade, and i just couldn't go through with it. i did just read a study that says we're (that is, women are) hardwired to want a guy who's taller than us, but maybe that's my conscience chirping.