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Age Differences: I'm 22, He's 35. Can This Work?

Dating an older man meant no beer pong or silly dancing, but it also meant security and commitment.

When I moved to New York right after college, finding a boyfriend was the last thing on my mind. I was 22, single, and enjoying the fact that bars in the city stayed open until 4 a.m.

Out one night near my apartment, I pressed myself against the bar and tried to get the bartender's attention. He didn't notice, but an older guy next to me, slightly balding with a crooked nose, did. He ordered four shots of Jameson.

"You want one?" He asked, looking at me sideways. He was cute, I observed, broad-shouldered and solidly built.

"Whiskey is an old man's drink," I said.

"Oh, really? We'll see about that," he replied, handing me a shot. I took it quickly and gagged while he slammed his without flinching. "Can't handle the 'old man's drink,' huh?" he teased.

We continued to joke back and forth, and despite the fact that I'd just graduated from college and he probably had a decade ago, it seemed we had a lot in common. We'd both gone to school in the Northeast, had traveled around the world, loved skiing in Lake Tahoe and watching professional hockey. He was funny, articulate, and charming. We stayed deep in conversation until last call, and eventually he asked for my number.

"You're way too old for me," I said. "How old are you, like 30?"

"Yeah," he said. "How old are you?"

"26," I lied. I knew that if he knew I was 22 the conversation would soon be over, and I was enjoying it, despite myself. I gave him my number and he hailed me a cab. Two minutes later, I got a text.

"My name is Michael…in case you forgot." I had forgotten.

"Thanks... I was struggling with that… I bet you don't remember mine either though."

"Vanessa," he responded. Oops.

On our first date, I was telling Michael about my upcoming birthday plans when the truth came out.

"How old are you again?" he asked.

"Um, well, I told you I was 26. But I'm actually turning 23." I was really nervous he would freak out, but instead he started to laugh.

"Oh, wow," he said. "You're a young one." I said I hadn't wanted to scare him off by telling him my real age, and he agreed that he probably wouldn't have gotten my number if he had known I was so young. Before I knew it, we were well into dessert, and I realized I didn't want the dinner to end. As we grinned at each other across the table, maybe it was just the buzz from the wine, but I began to think that maybe eight years age difference wouldn't be so bad.

Then Michael kissed me goodnight, and I couldn't stop smiling all the way home. My roommates grilled me, and I gushed about how smart, handsome, and hilarious he was. I really felt a connection with him, I told them. After all these stupid hook-ups with college guys, I might have really found someone I could fall for. I was so giddy, I stayed up all night replaying our date over and over in my mind. It was perfect.

Can you relate?

Discussion

Posted January 24, 2008

Anonymous, it sounds like you need to get out and let lose. Vanessa sounds like a normal 23 year old girl who has recently graduated from college and enjoying life in NYC. I think that your comment is ridiculous and completely out of line.

As for the article - I think it is great. Not only is it well written and captivating, but it also relates well to a lot of 20something NYC women. I hope to be hearing a lot more from you in the near future!

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Posted January 29, 2008

Good for you for sticking it out! Way to be adventurous - I love this article :)

Score: 0
Posted January 16, 2008

Um -- at your age you ought to be acting more mature than the teenage antics you described. That kind of behavior is the realm of high school children. Not adult grad students. Grow up already.

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Posted January 17, 2008

13 years seems like a lot, but it obviously depends on the couple. I've found myself in almost the same situation as you, except my guy looks nowhere near his age...i.e. nobody would suspect that we're more than five years apart (if that), and certainly not the decade that separates us. Either way, I've found that most of the issues are in my own head. At the end of the day age really just is a number, cliched as it may sound. Relax, let go, and enjoy it. Soulmates don't always come in neat, "perfect" packages.

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Posted February 17, 2008

You are sooo lame. The guy needs you for sex and your pretending it's not that. You have no where to go, because you can't meet someone your own age and clearly have "daddy" issues. Your whining screams that you know he's going to dump you - you just don't know when..... can't wait to see this unfold. You can't even see that you sound even more juvenile than then 23. You sound pathetic and lonely......

Score: 0

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