I am no longer Starting Over. You know what this means? No more bitching and whining about Andre. No more (Okay, not a lot more) looking back. From this point on, I'm focused on the shimmering promises of my future.
Although, let's not forget that all that glitters ain't gold. Sometimes it's a big steaming pile of gold-covered poo. I really gotta watch where I step. Lately, I've pared away at the number of men I date as an exercise for my intuition. Does something about him seem weird? Is there even this tiny, nagging, "danger stranger!" feeling? CUT! He gets the boot.
My intimacy and trust issues are still swingin' in full force these days, so I had to take a step back from this guy recently because I was falling too hard for him and I didn't feel like he was falling the same way for me. I didn't specifically have a problem with the degree he was into me, just the way.
"I just don't express my affection the same way you do, Rajul." he explained.
I love his eyes. There's something so intense about them. And his passion for music - Oh Lord - I wanted a piece of that passion. And when I yammered on incessantly about things that were on my mind, he let me speak and he listened. Really listened. I know because I quizzed him.
And you wonder why I'm still single.
But it didn't matter. Something felt wrong. I had this tight feeling in my chest and I knew I couldn't get any closer to him. I'd rather pull back from this amazing guy and miss out on a heavenly today than possibly get my heart ripped out and served to me in a paper plate tomorrow.
I've been feeling like Fergie lately. Trippin, stumbling, clumsy...I wouldn't say I was falling in love but more of a super sized side of lust. You know it as well as I do - the highest high you can possibly be on.
I love men. Yes, they cause all kinds of trouble for me, but sometimes some of them just make me want to be a better woman. The rush I got from this guy Jon - could he, or somebody else possibly get that same type of rush from me?
There's a good chance, which is why I keep on keepin' on.