What Do You Do With A Bad Kisser?

For the best advice on sex, love, dating and relationships we ask two experts with personal experience. Cathi Hanauer is the author, most recently, of Sweet Ruin, a novel about love, marriage, and adultery. Daniel Jones is the editor of both the "Modern Love" column for The New York Times, and Modern Love, an anthology derived from the column. They've been married for 15 years, and together they provide a his and hers take on relationship questions. This round: bad kissers. Study: Bad Kissing Is A Deal-Killer In Relationships

Question: I recently went on a date with an amazing woman—but at the end of the night, I discovered that she’s a terrible kisser. Is this a sign that we shouldn't get more physical, or can I "teach" her to improve her technique? -Sean, 29

Her Take: You won't really know whether she can learn to kiss until you take a shot at teaching her. (Also, of course, there's no one "right" way to kiss.) And if she's that amazing otherwise, it's probably worth the effort—it might even be sexy to try. If she can relax and you can tactfully communicate what you like, things could improve dramatically. On the other hand, one of my ex-boyfriends kissed by essentially vacuuming my entire face into his throat. While I got him to adjust the slobber meter slightly—by saying, gently and in the heat of the moment, "Kiss like this," then demonstrating—his kisses never melted me (though they definitely almost drowned me). Moving on to someone who could kiss was like waking up to sparkling sun after two years of rain. Considering that… perhaps, yes, you're better suited as friends.