I am back at it, back to some straight talk about recapturing that “lovin’ feeling.” The Kissing Advisory blog started this, and it continued two weeks ago with a little talk about instituting Date Night to rekindle the flame. The mere fact that you have some regularly scheduled alone time can do wonders for your relationship. Now, how about kicking it up a notch? I am referring here to some Out of Bed Intimate Touching. (no shortening this one to an acronym…try it. Ha!)
NOTE: I am NOT speaking of the type of thing that causes passers-by to yell, “Come on! Get a room!” Rather, the idea encompasses subtle touching, for just the two of you; not a public display of your sex-drive.
The most common public touch is hand holding. It’s a universal symbol of caring, tenderness and security. Studies have actually been done showing that holding hands can reduce stress, for both men and women. This probably is linked to the fact that holding our parents’ hand made us feel safe. This is good, of course, but not exactly what I’m talking about.
The aim here isn’t necessarily a feeling of security but rather of passion and intimacy. When it comes to public displays of affection (PDA), there’s a hell of a lot that lies beyond hand-holding that’s still this side of tasteful, isn’t there?
I think so:
Use your hands, while in contact with your lover, to tell them you want them. You know, rub a finger on the palm of their hand, run your thumb up onto the inside of his wrist, or entwine your fingers. Its cliché, but why not play footsy under the restaurant table; go ahead and let your foot slide up his leg to rest on the seat between his legs. Be gentle!
Rub each other’s back while waiting in line. Tickle the inside of the arm. Rest your hand on the back of their neck while driving. While talking, move a stray hair, or gently push back hair from the face. Touch the face. Kiss the fingers (sweetly).
Part of the excitement here is that just the two of you know what’s going on. This means that, one: you absolutely make sure that what the public sees seems innocent, and two: the two of you know that it is deliberate and intimate (erotic even). Look into the other’s eyes while you touch, sigh lightly into his ear, or wink across the table. There’s also a whole host of “looks” that can shoot meaning into the lightest touch.
And then there is the touching you can get away with when no one is looking.
For instance, within the confines of your car, you have the opportunity to be a bit bolder. While at a stop light, lean over and make out for a minute, or seek out and give a little attention to one of your partner’s “hot spots”. Take advantage of walking down a deserted hallway by…..
……I have taken this far enough. It’s your turn to turn on your imagination.
You may be asking how you can get your husband (face it, almost all of the readers of information like this are woman) to take part. One way would be to show this blog to him. Another is through example, but the best way is just to tell him. Show him what little touches can get you going, and ask him what would do it for him
What? Tell him? If you have to tell him what to do, then it doesn’t mean as much…does it? I can’t say this strongly enough: NO! NO! NO!! It’s classic Venus/Mars. Usually men do not think like women in this regard; they have to be told. Above all: Do not make this into a test.
An acceptable level of PDA may be different for the two of you. This needs to be respected, because if either of you are uneasy or uncomfortable, it blows the whole purpose here. If needed, be creative and brainstorm other ways to start the fires burning on your date. Maybe the two of you will choose to plan date night to be in more secluded places (take a hike in the woods, for instance).
What you come up with for the public arena will be a great baseline for how you touch at home. Gentle arm touching as you pass in the living room, a surprise kiss on the back of the neck in the kitchen, footsy at the family table, a pat on the ass on the way down the steps. Sound good?
In closing, it’s important to note that this is not necessarily all about sex. Granted, anticipation of “more later” is part of the fun. However, to get the fires going, to feel excited isn’t all about having intercourse at the end of the evening. It is in and of itself a way to feel connected again, to feel intimate with your partner, to feel passion in the moment without any expectations. (If this is how you feel, please share this with your husband, too!)
Intimacy without intercourse? Hmmmmmm….. sounds like a new blog topic to me. Comments?
This concludes another view from my married life.