I’ve gotten a lot of feedback regarding my “Kissing Advisory” blog. Overwhelmingly, comments include some kind of “thank-you” for stoking the fire. The bad news here is that my non-scientific survey was accurate and a lot of couples out there have misplaced the fire that maintains the passion. The good news is that the flame can be found (sometimes as easily as reading some advice that reminds you where to look).
How can we unearth our lost passion, and dig up what started it all? After all, falling in love is one of the most exciting times of our lives. How can that be recaptured? Can a little making-out get us there? What else can stoke the fire?
The excitement of falling in love wasn’t totally embodied by the kiss, other events took place when we first dated to make our blood run hot. I believe if we can reproduce, manufacture even, some of the outward manifestations of romantic love, then hopefully the blood will remember how to sizzle.
Some items to consider (think back now) for this endeavor:
1. Making out (already discussed)
3. Holding hands, and other out-of-bed touching
4. Sexual experimenting
5. Talking on the phone; heck, just talking to each other (not kid or household related topics)
6. Enjoying, reveling, and savoring your sexual life
I will blog about these topics over the next couple of weeks. Today’s topic is #2: DATING.
A lot of couples have instituted, are thinking about starting, or at least have heard of the concept of “date night”. Many self-help marriage gurus counsel for it, as I do. If you‘ve missed the advice, it is to set aside one night per week (or bi-weekly, or monthly!) to go on a date with your spouse. The key here is that the day is sacrosanct; there is no messing with it, i.e. no forgetting, or making other plans, or excuses. Come hell or high water (or fighting), the two of you will go on that date! (This is in a perfect world because there are kid’s band concerts, visiting relatives, etc… that do trump date night.)
First of all: Beware! The humdrum of the marriage can follow you on your date if you’re not careful. Do you talk about your kids, or the broken toilet, or next week’s schedule? (NO) Do you dress up? (Sexy outfits, even? YES) Do you get excited for it, because it is special? (This is the aim.) Will it become routine, just like so much else? (AVOID)
If you want the date night idea to work, then some work must be put into the date. Speak with your husband about how to set it up. Come up with a plan together. To fulfill differing interests, take turns planning the date. (No time? Come on! Think about it on your way to work, or taking a shower, or folding the clothes, or falling asleep.) A great starting point is a walk down memory lane. What did you do when you first met?
No matter what you choose, the most important component to the evening is attitude – for BOTH of you. Discuss how this date, in the craziness of your lives, can fuel your marriage and how the more both of you fill it up, the further you will be able to drive.
To get you’re creative juices flowing, here are some date ideas: Take lessons together, from dancing to cooking to SCUBA diving. Drive to a place with walking paths and go for a hike. Go dancing. Go to a wine-tasting. Go to a festival or fair. Go ice-skating. Go swimming. Play tennis. Go to a museum. Go to a movie (but make sure you are touching throughout!). Get a hotel room for a few hours!
Keep in mind: If the other plans a date that isn’t romantic or appropriate in your opinion, please don’t let on. Just go along and let your partner’s satisfaction fuel yours.
The whole point here is that you look forward to and enjoy date night. You know, really have fun together like you did in the beginning. It sounds so simple, but somehow a lot of us have forgotten how to do this. NOW is the time to change that.
Good luck and have a blast!
This concludes another view from my married life.