The Great Name Debate
The pros and cons of taking his name or keeping your own.
*It may also piss off your own mother, depending on how traditional she is. This may be a con for some of you, but for many of you, this is a pro.
Cons:
*It may bum out your husband, who always pictured himself with a Mrs. My Last Name by his side.
*People will feel they have every right to ask you for an explanation as to why you didn't take your husband's name.
*You will spend your whole life explaining to people why you didn't take your husband's name. (Like it's any of their business!)
*You will be called Mrs. Husband's Last Name and receive mail addressed to Mrs. Husband's Last Name despite all attempts to explain that you did not, in fact, become Mrs. Husband's Last Name.
*If you have children, you will have to explain to them why they have a different last name than you. Or, if they take your last name, you will have to explain to them why they have a different last name from their father. Or, if all of you hyphenate your last names in an attempt to be socially progressive, you will have to explain to them why their last names are 46 letters long and insanely difficult to deal with. Everytime they take a standardized test at school and have to bubble in their names, they will curse you under their breaths.
Hyphenation
Pros:
*Man, I can't think of any. Seriously.
Cons:
*As mentioned above, your last name could potentially be 40 letters long. It will not fit into any forms you need to fill out for official purposes. Some people will forget the hyphen and print your name as Sara Andersonpeterschmidt. What the?
*You might potentially give up and end up going by your husband's last name, but legally you will have a hyphenated last name. Then, to get it changed, you will have to go through the name change process yet again. What fun.
*You will say, "It's a hyphenated last name" 20 to 30 times a day.
*You will basically annoy everyone who has to deal with you.
Using Your Own Name Professionally and Your Married Name Socially
Pros:
*Everybody is somewhat happy.
*You get a taste of both worlds.
*You probably don't have to go through the legal runaround.
Cons:
*You will confuse yourself in certain situations where your work life and social life collide.
*You will use the wrong name in the wrong situation, causing confusion and possibly chaos.
*You will develop split personality disorder and be found rocking slowly under the kitchen table asking yourself, "Who am I? Who am I?"
Then, of course, there's always the whole using your maiden name as your middle name thing. That works, sometimes, but can present the same problems as hyphenating. Plus, who uses their middle name all that much unless they're, like, Courtney Cox Arquette? And of course you and your husband-to-be could choose a brand new "family" name together, or blend your last names into a different name you can both use. But seriously people. Do we really need any more hippies out there in the world? I didn't think so.
Discussion
This whole name changing thing does suck. My mother did not change her last name when she got married, and this was awhile ago when it was less common. I have a hyphenated last name, which is annoying but can be cool. It is absolutely unique. So... if I change my name, it is lost forever. Also, can't add another hyphen at this point unless I want to sound like a law firm. Finally, I don't like my SO's last name. It's fine for him, would sound really weird for me. So, it will be fun to see how it turns out.
I just got engaged, so have really been thinking about this whole name change thing. I don't want to lose my last, but would like to have the same last name as my husband so that we/our kids all have the same name. I love the idea of hyphenating, but does anyone know, can I legally hyphenate but go by my husband's last name only?
I don't necessarily want to be called by both names, just don't want to have my name disappear into thin air.
If that option above is not possible, I will probably just add my maiden name to my middle name and have two middle names...even more confusing (and creating a total of 30 letters!)
My MIL to be is so angry at me right now, she is threatening to boycott our wedding. All because I am keeping my maiden name when I get married in September. Now, we are both in our early 50's, my 2nd marriage, but his first. You think she would be happy that ther only son is finally getting married, right? We don't have any kids, we're too old now to have kids, so that's not the issue. She thinks I'm disrespecting him by not taking his name. He's fine with me keeping my name, by the way. His mom is very old fashioned ... never worked professionally, never had her own accounts, investments, etc, so she isn't up on modern developments ( or just doesn't want to ). I just plain like my name and want to keep it, short and simple. I think she should respect my decision and we should agree to disagree and move on. She's the type, however, who will hold a grudge forever and never let it go. I can live with this, but I feel sorry for my future husband. He's caught in the middle and it's not fair.
