I Am Much Stupider Than You Know. Which Is Very Stupid.

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Frank and I are both eldest siblings--I have a younger brother and sister, and he has a younger brother--and so we both have this occasional need to pick on something. Or maybe pick on is too strong a phrase. Pester. Usually it's when we're lying around the house on a Sunday afternoon with nothing to do except drink coffee and pester.
Sometimes this takes to form of teasing or manhandling one or both of the cats, but other times only another human will do.

It's like this little-kid-on-a-sugar-high need to tickle, poke, pinch, squish, push, tease, and generally annoy another person until they cry. I know tickling sounds like "oh cute, ha ha, aren't we having fun!" but that's not the kind of tickling I mean. I'm talking about the kind of tickling that, say, a mean older brother and sister would do to torture you, the kind that ends with screaming and punching and possibly pants-peeing.

It would work so much better if one of us were a younger sibling and therefore conditioned to take the abuse. As it is, we are both really good at being pesterers but not so good at being the pestered. We're pretty evenly matched because Frank is bigger than I am but I am wigglier than he is. It's funny because I watch the cats doing the exact same thing when they're bored. One of them will stalk the other one around the house, swatting and hissing, until they get into a fight.

I'm not sure what non-eldest siblings do with that kind of bored, itchy energy. Maybe something productive? Who can say.  There's something sort of nice about feeling free to run around the house making fart jokes and punching each other. Lately I've been especially prone to this kind of behavior, because I am allergic to the months of April and May and my allergy medicine makes me stupid. It's like a fog that causes a second or so of delay from brain to mouth to ears.

It used to stress me out that I spent 1/6 of every year slightly dumber than usual, but now I've gotten used to it and it's actually not that bad. On the one hand, I spend a lot more time saying things like, "I just need to get the uh . . ." But on the other hand, I'm a lot more excited by fart jokes and YouTube videos of cats on trampolines. Since I can’t go without the meds, I’ve decided to try and be zen about the whole thing.

Anyway, the weather was nice today after a couple days of rain, which is great because I love the sun but sucks because that means lots of pollen is around. Essentially I’ve spent the entire day rolling around on the floor and giggling. I know that can’t possibly be a good thing, big-picture-wise, but it was fun and Frank didn’t seem to mind too much. I don’t know whether to blame birth order or Claritin or both. Maybe I’ve permanently rotted my brain by watching too many stupid movies. Whatever the reason, it’s spring time, I’m full of caffeine, and I’m having fun making my cat walk like it’s people. Hooray!

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