Tales Of A Reluctant Trophy Wife
Nicole Cohen didn't realize how much her life would change by marrying wealthy.
The next week, we went to a party, and David's friends' wives raved about those shoes. "Stunning!" they exclaimed; I was hooked. The next pair came more easily. Why not use my new platinum card? Chanel flats, Louboutin peep toe pumps, and Tod's boots followed. I bought Herve Leger dresses and ate the Madison salad at Fred's daily with my married friends. My guilt had vanished. Shopping was not as shallow as I thought; I had never owned things that I actually cared about before, and it felt good.
A few weeks later David held up the AmEx bill with disbelief. "Do you even know how much money you spent this month?" he asked. I didn't. The bill was close to $20,000, and I was mortified. When and how had I become so superficial?
I had bought the new clothes in anticipation of spending Passover with David's family in Florida, worried that all the girls would be more dressed up, that I wouldn't fit in. But seeing tha bill, and realizing I had blown through a budget I once deemed outrageous, brought me crashing back to earth: I promptly returned everything that still had tags. That day, I joked to David that I had "made" $1,000. It was the only money I was bringing in; I had quit my job six months into my marriage to pursue my writing.
In the meantime, I realized I had gone hogwild with my newfound spending power. I felt guilty that my family was still struggling while I was living the high life so carelessly. I canceled my blowout appointments, reclaiming my curly hair. It was a first tentative step. I was trying desperately to find a middle ground between the scruffy student I had been and the shopaholic trophy wife I had become.
My friends are still shocked by how much I've changed: my more polished appearance, the fact that I know Bergdorf salespeople by name, my love of domestic life. I think they miss the crowd-surfing, dreadlocked Nicole. But then I remember I'm happier this way. Somewhere along the line, I grew comfortable with my new life.
From the beginning, I’d loved the whiff of stability being with David seemed to promise.
Before him, my life was as messy as I was. Dating and marrying an older, more established man was just what I needed to grow into myself—though that doesn't mean I always recognize her.
Last week he took me to a Prada sale, where I spotted a raincoat I liked. "Do you need it?" he asked. "What’s need?" I replied with a smirk.
Discussion
This is an interesting story. I was surprised that she saw herself as a "trophy wife" when the age difference was less than 10 years, though. Maybe it's because a recent college graduate has a different mind set from someone who's been working a while.
I would agree with other comments that suggest the author should make sure she has some back-up financial plans.
Is this prostitution but by another name. As a guy it just seems like women (especially good looking ones) go for the paycheck. Girls don't look at the guy, just what he makes. Does she help out others? what does she tip? How much of a b. is she to work with or for? What will happen in ten years when she's not a trophy any more can she live offf ramen noodles? And are there Trophy Husbands???
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30312181/
Article on how people in America have this entitlement mentality. I thought that would be relevant to this article.
We have a baby now, and in light of the recession, it certainly feels like we could use some more money!
This whole article seems ridiculous considering that everyone is struggling these days.
What bothered me then about having and spending so much money is partly that my family was really struggling, and that I was relying on things for self esteem. There is nothing wrong with enjoying wealth, but I felt that I was really losing myself by trying to impress others out of insecurity.
I am now so consumed with my 6 month old daughter, that I once again look and feel like a mess!!! That's motherhood!
This is a great story, but it does follow a "rags-to-riches" formula that's been around since Cinderella. That doesn't stop it from being compelling and highly entertaining. There's a reason that kind of narrative trajectory makes for a classic story.
That said, I did still feel uncomfortable with the way the power dynamics inflect the gender roles both parties occupy. It would be good to know, for sure, how the self-confessed "trophy wife" maintained her independence. I know I always think in terms of disaster planning, but don't knock planning for the worst-case scenario. Like the husband being 40 and deciding to find another 21-year-old.
I think it's cool. I was briefly married to a rich jewish guy. Please understand I'm not jewish so this was huge for both families.
People have such issues about being rich. It's okay to be rich. When you're rich you can help other people. You can buy the things you like and not what your budget dictates. You have more choices.
My jewish husbund had a wonderful mother but some where along the line he confused me with his mother, that's where the trouble started.
I once had another very rich man who adored me who brought me a fur coat as a gift. I mean didn't this man know who I am? I don't eat or wear animals. Obviously he wasn't paying attention. Even after I explained to him why fur coats are so disgusting for me, all that brutal slaughtering in China where they have no animal rights. He just siad "Oh babe that's why I love you. You are so passionate". About 4 weeks later he arrived at my door with a mercedes compressor for me. I also declined. My cabrio was just fine. Thanks.
I won't be purchased but I will surrender if the feeling is mutual.
But still I love earning my own money.
This is a stretch, but I kept drawing parallels to Pride and Prejudice while reading this: the author as the witty, intelligent Elizabeth Bennet, her mother - a more refined, smarter version of Mrs. Bennet, and her husband as Mr. Darcy. Randomness aside, I understand how easy it is to go from very frugal to excess, and the need to find a happy middle.
this is totally like her trying to keep it real, but the false note here is that there is nothing wrong with having money and spending it. why do we have to justify it. my SO is wealthy and we go out to nice places and he buys me expensive presents, but that's his choice. I don't feel like I should feel bad because of it.
