Tales Of A Reluctant Trophy Wife
Nicole Cohen didn't realize how much her life would change by marrying wealthy.
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"She couldn't possibly have any real worries," he seemed to surmise. For that, I resented him, but at the same time I admired him. I wanted to live like David. He was happy. He enjoyed his success, but he didn’t rely on it to build his self-esteem like so many other people I knew. We had only been together for eight months when he spoke with my parents about marrying me. The thought of spending forever with someone I had been dating for such a short time made me nervous, but I also knew that I loved him. I figured that was enough. I had fake gel-nails put on in anticipation of the ring.
A few weeks later, David came over to my parents’ house, presumably to ask for my hand. For the first time since I met him, he seemed scared and insecure. "I don't know what it is," he said. "I'm just not ready."
I was enraged—and embarrassed. That night, in a teary fit, I ripped those nails off with my teeth. My mother cried for a month. My friends decided he was gay. I became severely depressed. David and I still talked, but it felt like we would never be able to work out our problems.
One year later, on a trip to South Beach with friends, I bumped into him by the pool at The Shore Club. My heart sank every time we passed each other that weekend. Back in New York, he called me. We began seeing each other again, secretly this time. Before we could tell our friends or families, we decided we needed to repair the damage between us.
This time around, I didn't care about our differences— or what clothes either one of us wore. I just wanted to be with David. Over the next 10 months, the distance between us lessened, and we became a better, closer, less volatile couple.
One day, he whisked me away from work and drove me to a beach on the Ducati. Once there, he handed me a blanket, and when I shook it out and laid it down, I saw that it read: "I love you, will you marry me?"
Six weeks later, we tied the knot at a tiny ceremony. Everyone was thrilled. "Your life is like a fairytale," my friends said. Sometimes it truly felt like one. As part of their family tradition, David's mother presented me with a Chanel bag, crystal Lalique doves, and countless other presents. Every time we went over for dinner, his mother would serve up another gift along with dessert. It felt like a parade of finery: sterling trays, Baccarat candlesticks, hatboxes filled with perfume, scarves, and Roger & Gallet soaps. For years, she had been collecting these things to lavish on David’s bride of choice.
After a month-long honeymoon touring Asia, I returned to an apartment on Fifth Avenue and a budget that blew my mind. David and I had discussed how much money I would need each week to run the house (groceries, laundry, maid), what it would take to redecorate his bachelor pad (black walls, white rugs, mirrored everything)— then determined how much I would spend on clothes per season.
I didn't need all that money for my wardrobe, I told him playfully. Who in their right mind spends $700 on shoes? Apparently, now I did. I bought my first pair of red-soled Louboutins half-off —with my savings. Even though David had given me a budget, I felt uncomfortable about buying things with his money.
Discussion
This is an interesting story. I was surprised that she saw herself as a "trophy wife" when the age difference was less than 10 years, though. Maybe it's because a recent college graduate has a different mind set from someone who's been working a while.
I would agree with other comments that suggest the author should make sure she has some back-up financial plans.
Is this prostitution but by another name. As a guy it just seems like women (especially good looking ones) go for the paycheck. Girls don't look at the guy, just what he makes. Does she help out others? what does she tip? How much of a b. is she to work with or for? What will happen in ten years when she's not a trophy any more can she live offf ramen noodles? And are there Trophy Husbands???
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30312181/
Article on how people in America have this entitlement mentality. I thought that would be relevant to this article.
We have a baby now, and in light of the recession, it certainly feels like we could use some more money!
This whole article seems ridiculous considering that everyone is struggling these days.
What bothered me then about having and spending so much money is partly that my family was really struggling, and that I was relying on things for self esteem. There is nothing wrong with enjoying wealth, but I felt that I was really losing myself by trying to impress others out of insecurity.
I am now so consumed with my 6 month old daughter, that I once again look and feel like a mess!!! That's motherhood!
This is a great story, but it does follow a "rags-to-riches" formula that's been around since Cinderella. That doesn't stop it from being compelling and highly entertaining. There's a reason that kind of narrative trajectory makes for a classic story.
That said, I did still feel uncomfortable with the way the power dynamics inflect the gender roles both parties occupy. It would be good to know, for sure, how the self-confessed "trophy wife" maintained her independence. I know I always think in terms of disaster planning, but don't knock planning for the worst-case scenario. Like the husband being 40 and deciding to find another 21-year-old.
I think it's cool. I was briefly married to a rich jewish guy. Please understand I'm not jewish so this was huge for both families.
People have such issues about being rich. It's okay to be rich. When you're rich you can help other people. You can buy the things you like and not what your budget dictates. You have more choices.
My jewish husbund had a wonderful mother but some where along the line he confused me with his mother, that's where the trouble started.
I once had another very rich man who adored me who brought me a fur coat as a gift. I mean didn't this man know who I am? I don't eat or wear animals. Obviously he wasn't paying attention. Even after I explained to him why fur coats are so disgusting for me, all that brutal slaughtering in China where they have no animal rights. He just siad "Oh babe that's why I love you. You are so passionate". About 4 weeks later he arrived at my door with a mercedes compressor for me. I also declined. My cabrio was just fine. Thanks.
I won't be purchased but I will surrender if the feeling is mutual.
But still I love earning my own money.
This is a stretch, but I kept drawing parallels to Pride and Prejudice while reading this: the author as the witty, intelligent Elizabeth Bennet, her mother - a more refined, smarter version of Mrs. Bennet, and her husband as Mr. Darcy. Randomness aside, I understand how easy it is to go from very frugal to excess, and the need to find a happy middle.
this is totally like her trying to keep it real, but the false note here is that there is nothing wrong with having money and spending it. why do we have to justify it. my SO is wealthy and we go out to nice places and he buys me expensive presents, but that's his choice. I don't feel like I should feel bad because of it.
