As tensions mounted, Martin made it clear to Marcella that she was his number one priority as he hunted for work, and that she in fact, was the one who wasn’t thinking like a team. "He said that he needed me to put both feet into the circle of our marriage," she says. "But it's scary to put all your eggs in one basket. It took me eight months until I started to feel that we were truly aligned, and that I didn't need one foot outside. I've never experienced the healing effects of time more dramatically than in my marriage. I literally had to see again and again that I would be put first, and now we've created that basis of trust."

Four and a half years into marriage, Amy Lake* laughs when she recalls the intensity with which she questioned her union during the first year. "Right now, my husband's on a ski trip and I'm taking care of our sick baby while moving us into our new home!" says the stay-at-home mom, admitting that the "hot button issues" that led to multiple arguments in year one still exist. "But we're much better communicators these days, so we're able to talk it through. I can look at the bigger picture and know that the good far outweighs the bad."

Communication and flexibility are essential skills that take time to develop, Abrons warns. "It gets easier when each of you looks at your own contributions to difficulties, rather than just focusing on the other’s transgressions," he says. "You've got to validate your spouse's And the more you're able to give a little, the easier it will be to get along and resolve issues quickly."

Ann Stein, who's now the mother of two girls, needed about a year to realize that the net gain of her marriage was far greater than all that was left behind. "Slowly, you get into a rhythm as a couple and truly connect," she says. "It becomes a much deeper commitment. Life becomes about the future and not the past, and that is a very bonding realization. You never stop feeling that it would be fun to have that experience of falling in love again, but what you have created is so much more than that."

And though bitter fights have left her husband sleeping on the couch more than once, Emma Donahue gets sentimental. "Slowly, I can see that our relationship is deepening," she says. "Watching how we approach decisions now as a family makes my heart swell. When I wake up every morning and look at him beside me, I feel more connected."

As Eric and I approach our one-year anniversary, we're also getting into a groove—and a pretty good one too. Sure the Sunday Styles section still looks disheveled by the time I get to it, but I can see that he made an effort to fold it on the creases. He brings me coffee from the deli, deposits his empty soda cans in the right receptacles, and lately I've been the one working longer hours. And though his dirty socks continue to land on the floor, I now know that I can live with it. Maybe I've started looking inward and stopped pointing the finger so much. After all, a marriage is made up of two people. And, I've got to be fair: I still call my parents "Mommy" and "Daddy," too.