Why I Proposed To Him

But as our vacation progressed and as the hours wore on, I was overcome with doubt. Thanks to the combined effects of severe altitude sickness and the flu, I had been carting around a portable oxygen tank for days. I spent Christmas Day vomiting, and hadn't showered. I was wearing gray plaid flannel pajamas, my hair was matted to my head, and I had tubes coming out of my nose.

In other words, I was about to ask a man to spend the rest of his life with me, and I had never looked worse. Was I crazy? I wouldn't agree to marry me right now. Hell, in this condition, I wouldn't even take myself to the movies.

As the clock crept closer to my midnight deadline, I kept stalling. At 11:45, we kissed goodnight and Andrew rolled over. I slid out of bed and pulled the ring box out of the nightstand. I held it for a moment and then, fumbling in the darkness, placed the box back in the drawer. I crawled back into bed, defeated. I had failed.

Weeks later, back in L. A., without the romance of the holidays, I was without a plan. My insecurities were at a full boil: how would I be judged for asking my boyfriend to marry me? I pictured my friends and family secretly wondering, "Wow, she had to ask him? Poor thing."

Meanwhile, I continued to prod Andrew about marriage, hoping he would change his mind. I had the ring, but I didn't have the confidence to follow through. Driving home one night, I pressed extra hard. I can still hear his brusque reply: "I am not particularly motivated to get married."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Andrew parked on our seaside street, and I ran into the apartment. I threw off my clothes, turned off the light and jumped into bed, pulling the covers high.

When Andrew came in and sat against his pillow, I suddenly threw back the blankets, flicked on the light and grabbed the ring box. I opened it and with a thud planted it on his nightstand. "There's your engagement ring," I said, my face wet with tears. I crawled back under the covers.

"Babe," he said, his voice full of tenderness and apology. He leaned down and kissed me for a long time. "I love you. I know that I am going to spend the rest of my life with you." We kissed again and I cried some more. We looked at each other and smiled at the absurdity of the moment. Then, close to my ear, he whispered, "Let's get married." Still grinning, I replied, "Let's."