Which Love Language Do You Speak?
Learning how to express your love is the key to a happy relationship.
Couple #2
Mary, 41, and Shawn, 36
She wants: Words of Affirmation
He gives: Acts of Service
"What can I do to help you today?" is the first thing Mary hears her husband say when she wakes each morning. His acts of service include building her a garden—one of her favorite hobbies. "And he's a horrible handyman," she laughs.
But Mary really craves verbal affirmation. "When I'm feeling even the slightest bit taken for granted, I wish he'd say 'I love you.' Just today I said, 'Honey, I need you to tell me I'm beautiful,' so he did. But sometimes he gets annoyed and asks, 'How many times do I have to tell you?'"
"He grew up in a family that doesn't express emotions freely," she says. "It's not surprising that his one attempt at a love letter read like a business plan. It's just not who he is—but I'll never stop hoping that he'll write me a sonnet."
Dr. Chapman Says:
Shawn should start with baby steps to express his love. He can try saying something sweet about her to a friend or coworker, or it could also be helpful to buy a greeting card, underline the words that are particularly appropriate, and then read them to his wife. Ultimately, Shawn should aim to compliment Mary at least once a day for a month to create a lasting pattern.
Discussion
I really like Dr. Chapman's strategies. I have read a couple of his books and have found them helpful in communicating with my beloved. I especially like his term "love tank". It's a great way to check in on each other by just asking "hey honey, how's your love tank today" it may sound corny, but so far it works.
I would prefer a man who shows he cares more than he says he does. Actions speak WAY louder than words if you ask me.
Hey. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
I am from Montenegro and also am speaking English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: "Online publishing provides new opportunities for freelancers, writers and aspiring authors."
8-) Thanks in advance. Katina.
i wish to fine true love, a soul mate and a companion. someone who will love and cherish me no matter what happens.love is the greatest need of a woman.
Valentine's Day is a horror created by advertisers to make men's lives miserable. Diamond commercials should be banned. If I love my sweetie, I don't need some dickish "Every Gift Begins at Hanes" commercial to ask me to shell out my entire savings account while this economy goes down the tubes. Bite me!
I wouldn't say German is the language of love! 'I love you' in German is 'Ich Liber Dich'. If someone came up to me and said that my first reaction might be to throw up my arms and shout 'I surrender'.
There are longer surveys for finding your primary love language out there. I must say I was surprised when I found out what my primary love langauge was, although it made sense after I thought about it.
I think "speaking the same language" is such an amazing place to get to with your partner, but it is CERTAINLY hard work and takes much open, honest conversation
I thought Italian was the language of love. Then this chick told me it was French. But you guys are talking about something different. I guess sometimes you just gotta put in effort or fake like you did.
Is that it? A weak little blurb with not much substance, no way to tell what category one or ones partner is in. Weak.
Valentine's Day was hit or miss.. I used to put so much effort into planning the perfect night.. and then had amazing sex to close the deal.. what I found... I can save myself a lot of stress and headache with just a nice dinner and a single rose... the sex is just as good
amazing. my boyfriend speaks "words of affirmation", while I'm fluent in gifts. but now that i know, i've let him off the hook—mo re or less—this Valentine's Day.
Me! I hate diamonds.....make me a card, dinner, take me to a picnic. The diamonds get thrown into a box and forgotten, but I have all my cards and memories he ever gave me. Can't remember which diamond was for what. Though one year for each occasion he gave me a mobius bracelet with my favorite prayer or quote and I wear them everyday. The fact he found such a unique gift and actually remembered that these prayers were my inspiration for life is amazing. Simple, inexpensive, and showed he was paying attention. Most of all he finally got that I'm not a material girl but that simple pleasures are the best!
using this strategy has made my relationship with my husband much better. now i know what kind of gifts he needs and appreciates and vice versa. turns out, he dosn't care about the material presents--he'd much prefer words of affirmation.
