Word of the Day: Polyfidelity
Straight from the cheaters' dictionary
Have you heard of ashleymadison.com? It’s one of several dating site for marrieds looking for an extramarital affair—but only with other marrieds. Its slogan is “When monogamy becomes monotony.” A slew of people must be pretty bored, as they have more than a million members. Anyway, I happened upon its glossary, loaded with words (and concepts) I had yet to hear. Maybe because I’m out of the loop. Or maybe because I’m not looking to add to my collection of husbands. (I have just a single husband to date. He must be lonely.)
Anyway, my favorite word in the glossary is “polyfidelity.” Definition: Closed relationship involving more than two people. The members of a group marriage, for example, may limit their sexual/romantic involvement to members of the group.
Huh. Does that mean there are three people to fight over who should clean the bathroom?
Discussion
Cheating is cheating no matter what you call it. If you want multiple partners then don't get married and no one gets hurt. You may think your multiple family relationship worked but I doubt everyone in it thought the same as you even if they kept quiet. There are many unwilling participants who do things they wouldn't normally do because they love someone. Bragging about this on a public website is disgusting.
Wow so much hate for a ractice that actually brings joy to many relationships. I am polyfidelitous and no I don;t do laundry for both men...they are big boys and actualy do laundry equally for us all, kids included. We also share the housework though I am a stay at home Mom they pitch in whenever it's needed.
I have to be honest and say that most of these comments and even the article smacks of jealousy and a feeling of some one not getting what they perceive others are getting. No polyamory and open marriage do NOT equal cheating. We are open about our desires...good god it's not considered cheating to eat a variety of food why is feeding another hunger so wrong? I'l tell you why, because you nay sayers truly believe that to love another person means you have to give up any previous loves. You have multiple children and some even have multiple fathers...when you have a child with another person do you automatically stop loving the previous ones? Time management and other problems with the poly lovestyle are friggin easy to deal with, jealousy is a minor concern and we aren't cheating on anyone, get over yourselves you smug, scared and unhappy people!
I think you're being a little sensitive. Joking about two husbands meaning more housework is not hatred, envy, smugness, fear, or unhappiness.
And while I was joking, one woman doing laundry for two men was exactly what I saw back in the 1980s. Needless to say, I was not impressed with her claims that monogamy was oppressive to women.
As for people mistakenly equating cheating and polyamory, that does happen. I think this particular article is about finding the word polyfidelity on the AshleyMadison website. The Madison website does not promote polyamory, it promotes cheating and affairs. It is a nasty thing. Its owners are pushing pain and heartbreak.
I have, however, wondered sometimes if the page on the Tango website should be non-monogamy and infidelity or if the two should be split as they are not the same thing?
Polyfidelity = cheating.
"Polyamory", "open marriages" and the like = created by people too weak and selfish to commit to one person. They never stop trying to find ways to make cheating sound like something other than what it is. Hence all the fancy euphemisms.
Cheaters suck.
-http://www.tangomag.com/2006130/portrait-of-an-open-marriage-2.html/1#comment_form
I and my long-term partner (23 years) enjoyed a loving and fun relationship with another couple for 14 years which worked very well for all concerned. We were already good friends and knew that we were all very open-minded generally as well as very sexual. None of us were into the idea of swinging and just being a notch on another bedpost (although fine for those that want it) as we associate sex with closeness as well as fun. We shared many aspects of our lives such as restoring houses, restoring cars, childcare, emotional support, helping each other’s extended families etc. We had sexual fun both as a group and individually from time to time in all the possible combinations (MF MMF etc). the relationship with this couple has now changed and we no longer are intimate as about 4 years ago one of the other couple (her) felt she was no longer into it. We remain the very best of friends and will always hold a corner of our hearts dear for this wonderful pair of individuals and my partner and I are still in love and committed to each other despite certain complications on our lives. So you see having a different sort of relationship i.e. non-monogamous, need not end in disaster even after 14 years.
We are not naturally monogamous and the animal instinct is to create as many kids as possible with as many different partners as possible therefore increasing the chance of our DNA being passed on. This is obviously not a practical way to lead a life ion the modern world or even a fairly old world with all its institutions mortgages schooling etc etc. However, just like we need to con other of our basic instincts (such as flight or fight etc) or they get us into trouble so we need to con this one as well. Polyfidelity was for us a way of doing that and we enjoyed having extra emotional and spiritual aspects in our lives. The statistics for infidelity make a mockery of the idea of monogamy the majority (various surveys put this at between 60% and 85% of relationships have some form of infidelity within them and many more have imagined/ pined for in. At no time have we been dishonest to each other in over 23 years, no secret kisses, guilty feelings, no almost affairs that often still involve a level of dishonesty even if you call it off before it happens etc etc. We don’t think everybody should live like this we are all individuals that should choose the relationship style that works best for those concerned within it. However, living apart but committed relationships, same-sex marriage, being single, monogamy, celibacy, are all examples of the diversity of relationship styles that now are common place. Choosing a non-conventional relationship style does not mean that it will fail or end in misery anymore than it would with conventional marriage with over 50% ending in divorce (http://www.divorce-advice.org.uk/) and high levels of dissatisfaction in those couples who are living conventionally. All relationships take work if they are to be mutually satisfying including those with parents, children, friends, siblings and the key is respect and negotiation with all who are affected. This rather than the actual number of participants or the style of relationship is perhaps the best key to a successful relationship.
We have now been without this type of relationship for over 4 years and whilst we aren’t actively looking for another couple to fall in love with we are always open to the idea should the right people coma along. We are both more than a little aspie in nature and behaviour and it is perhaps this that helps us to look at relatiosnships the way that we do i.e. completely objectively however, we are still chuffed with the state of our relationship after more than 23 years and it brings us great strength and joy.
I will be posting the same letter in the comment section relating to open marriage
Thanks for taking the time to read this and if you would like to comment I will be happy to discuss this further.
hwel fawr
Dafyddcoch
Its a great word.
There's no rational reason, that I have managed to find, to show why monfidelity is superior.
Its all about trust, and trust is very interesting thing.
Oddly enough, there's a scene in Jaws that has one of the most apt quotes about Trust that I have ever come across. I won't re-iterate it here.. but look it up.
Sometimes. Or maybe there's more than one bathroom. Or more than one house, for that matter. Polyfidelity means being faithful to all your partners.