The Science/Math Geek
Markings: Lab coat, TI-89 Titanium Calculator, pen marks on hands.
Indigenous to: College labs, secret science clubs, open-to-the-public lectures.
Mating call: “Baby, you’ve got more curves than an Erlenmeyer flask.”
If approached: Know your Poincaré Conjecture from your string theory. Or don’t. As all these are theories, just say everything with conviction, or “Maybe it doesn’t make sense—in this dimension.”
The Gamer Geek
Markings: Cracking thumbs, Mountain Dew breath, Cheetos residue on fingertips.
Indigenous to: E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo—an annual tradeshow of games and consoles. Also found monopolizing the Best Buy gaming station.
Mating call: “Wanna hook up your Wii to my plasma TV?”
If approached: It’s safer to come between a mother grizzly and her cubs than a Gamer Geek and his TV. To be safe, always carry copies of Halo 3, Guitar Hero, and God of War.