Why Geeks Are The New Chic
When it comes to love, today’s new breed of nerd is quite the catch.
It reminds me of the time I said to a geek ex, giddy while out walking one spring day, "Look how blue the sky is!" Rather than taking my hand, he delivered a lengthy lecture on the Tyndall Effect: Why the Sky Is Blue. And this wasn't a guy who lacked empathy; he nursed our houseplants back to health and cried during March of the Penguins. It's just that a geek's approach to life tends to be if-x-then-y. They don't get hints.
That said, there is a romantic upshot to all their careful calibration. "The reason nerds and geeks work well [as mates] is that they're problem solvers," says Rogers. "They bring these skills that we believe make it impossible for them to carry on normal social relations, to bear on partners." In other words, to a geek, any problem—even a love-related one—is solvable, making them clutch when the going gets tough. "This is someone who says, 'You can fix this stuff. How do we get there?'", says Rogers. "In a relationship, that's something."
Josh Herman agrees. "Geeks are obsessive about Stars Wars, The Simpsons, comic books—and love," he says. "And not just in the infatuation stage. The same passion I bring to anything in my life, I also bring to my relationships."
Case in point: "This girl I was interested in in high school wanted to go to the butterfly exhibit at the zoo," Herman says, "but she complained that you could never get close enough to them."
One Saturday, off they went. When they arrived at the Butterfly House, his date watched with a mix of curiosity and horror as he dumped the contents of the water bottle he'd been carrying all over his head and arms.
"It wasn't water. It was sugar water I had mixed up that morning," he explains. "Butterflies attacked me." He, in turn, waved the colorful swarm toward his flabbergasted date, who, lo and behold, soon became his girlfriend.
"Would a non-geek have thought of that?" Herman challenges. "Probably not."
No, probably not. And in that, lies the Catch-22 of dating a guy who is one: it's not for the faint of heart, but, in the end, the stuff a geek will cook up to win yours will likely make it flutter. For the long haul.
Discussion
In my opinion, there's two types of geeks: the outright GEEKS (D&D, Anime, etc), and "geeky" guys (such as myself) who possess social skills, intelligence, etc. One of the cardinal rules of HR managers is to NEVER hire a 4.0 student...they have absolutely NO social skills whatsoever. When they don't get their way, they beg and cry (I've seen a guy pull it on one of my undergraduate finance professors).
Guys like this are definitely under-appreciated, but that's because of their nature. They're pushovers...let a women walk all over them and settle for less than what the deserve. Geeks aren't a "challenge" for women and every women I know would get bored with the constant brown-nosing and worship-type behavior. Personally, I'm an ex-a*****e and women loved it. I finally grew up and then my conscience kicked in, causing me to become the world's biggest p***y when it came to women. I got walked all over, phone calls were ignored, etc. Now I've finally reached my equilibrium. I don't take crap from women but I don't treat them like garbage and if my current girlfriend goes into a "I want this, NOW!" fit, I have no problem putting her in her place and explain why she doesn't need more material crap.
Veronica, I believe, says she loves intelligent conversation and basically states that only "geeks" possess the ability to hold an intelligent conversation. That's a blanket statement. For example, I consider myself somewhat of a geek, but I'm weak when it comes to the field of chemistry, but I will ramble on and on and on about every since aspect of finance, accounting, and economics. I've got an BBA in finance, working on my MBA, and considering starting work on either a Ph.D. or D.B.A. in a few years. I consider myself a geek (the latter definition), yet I lead a perfectly normal life. That's my two cents...or whatever you wanna call it. I always have an opinion on a topic such as this and it's usually VERY long.
I really hated the show Beauty and the Geek. It seemed to me to be sending the message that Geek girls weren't good enough. As though what a Geek guy would really want is a bubblehead, if only he could get her.
As to why Geek guys are suddenly cool - if you're not a geek yourself, I think it's just about gold-digging.
Why Geeks Are The New-- oh, wait, only guys? Aw. And I wanted to see what someone had to say about my group. :(
I'll just have to go back to watching Star Trek, working on programming that video game, and talking to a couple ex-boyfriends.
You can't fit geeks into a mold, by the way. The geekiest person I know weight lifts for fun.
Oh so true! Daily Candy just had a contest for hot programmers (aka computer guys). I nominated my husband but he didn't make the cut. Still, it was an awesome idea and recognizes that society is now valuing these guys. :)
The only shame is that they don't talk about the fact that hot geek girls do exist too. you only need to see my site of eight long years to know that.
If you need proof that nerds are the best stuff since peanut butter, you need look no further than Michael Cera. he's a 98-pound hottie!
I ? geeks! I'm a gay man. Do you know how hard it is to find other gay men who are interested in anything other than looking in the mirror and fixing their hair? It's not the smart part that attracts me. It's the interest in life and the willingness to be uncool enough to squeal with excitement.
HOW DARE YOU DISCRIMINATE AGAINST DND AND DND PLAYERS IN SUCH A MANNER. I AM GREATLY OFFENDED BY THIS ARTICLE. THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH BEING UNSOCIALIZED AND UNWASHED AND MY CAVE HAPPENS TO BE EXTREMELY WELL-KEPT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
LAST WEEK I TORE THE HIDE FROM A LIVING GRIZZLY BEAR WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS JUST SO PEOPLE WOULD HAVE SOMETHING TO WIPE THEIR FEET ON WHEN THEY CAME IN.
CAN YOU CLAIM SUCH DEDICATION TO MAINTAINING AN ORDERLY HOME.
I DON'T THINK SO.
ALSO IT IS DUNGEONS & DRAGONS NOT DUNGEON & DRAGONS YOU UNEDUCATED SAVAGE. HAH I GUESS WE SUPERGEEKS GET THE LAST LAUGH AFTER ALL EH WHAT/?
Not all intelligent people are socially inept. Furthermore, while it's nice that society may suddenly value geeks it seems to be more of a flavor of the week trend. By stereotyping people, labeling them as geeks, and exploiting them for cheap television we're ultimately treating them (among many other groups) as subhuman. Geek implies a different class of human which has been the problem for the geeky/nerdy population since grade school. I don't want to be told that I'm eccentric--even if the person has good intentions--because I'm more interested in intellectual endeavours than superficial pursuits.
Finally,"geeks" are not on their way to rule the world, they do rule the world. They are your doctors, accountants, engineers, lawyers, scientists, and leaders. They invented your telephone, computer, television, and weapons.
It's about damn time!
Geeks haven't changed, but women have.
Let's hope the new trend sticks.
Cheers - the Geekmeister
Hell yes! I am a Geek Girl and my hubby is a Geek too. He's sweet and smart and utterly devoted to my happiness. Geeks make The Best partners!
Yea, you said it sister! Just point me to the cave where all those geeks are so I can go over there and... hang out with them. D&D is a hobby, nothing more. My wife and I play together, and she's kind of upset at your crack about guy's size. I'm 6 ft. 3in, 225 llbs. I'll throw you over my shoulder while fighting off an orcish horde!
I too play D&D, and despite your belated apology/excuse, I still find your uninformed comment rather irritating. You say that not all 'D&Ders' should be consigned to caves (How very generous of you! Only some of us shall become troglodytes! Huzzah!), yet not only does that imply that most people who play RPG's should, but also that D&D is the defining characteristic of my persona. It wouldn't be very nice of me to say that all journalists are lying gossip-mongers who should be stuck in windowless cubicles... So don't do the same to me!
However, I too can be generous: I have a cure for ignorance. It's called experience. Date a D&D player, or ask a bunch of guys you know if they ever played D&D. Their answers may surprise you. And furthermore, my full name is there, as well as my Facebook link. Feel free to friend me and see what a 'D&Der' looks like, does, enjoys, etc.
...This is satire right? Please say yes. No? Well damn then.
It's rather hard for a hobby to be anti social when it requires social contact to play. And no, not the 'You need this many warm bodies to play here' type social contact prevalent in games such as WoW.
As for me, I was socially inept. I grew out of it. And then some. It was only after the fact I got into D&D and other such roleplaying hobbies. As for my social prowess, well let's put it this way. I have been told quite a few times by women that I am extremely attractive (physically and otherwise) and any woman I settle down with will be very lucky. I'm not so sure about the physical attraction part, because I don't put much weight on appearances. Too shallow. Funny thing though? I have major trust issues. The issue isn't not attracting women, it's not being able to trust people in order to take it there. End result? People that don't know better think I'm socially inept. Then they actually talk to me and realize they assumed wrong.
My taste in women? I will gladly take a highly intelligent woman with average looks at best over one with a hot bod, and nothing else to offer. Especially since they probably only look good because they covered themselves with make up and had surgery. Actual attraction and ability to engage me on a level that matters > someone who can't do anything worthwhile outside of the bedroom. And lack of self confidence is extremely unattractive.
So here is yet another geeky guy who is quite socially adept when he finds someone he wishes to associate with chiming in to debunk this falsehood.
Yo Rodney, that's the point...you just don't get it...while you are spending your time lifting weights, fixing your hair, and applying too much cologne, smarter people are trying to cure diseases and make the world a better place...if you are such a great guy why dont you help these geeks you work with, be more fashionable etc? maybe they will help you realize that when you are 70 years old and all you can talk about is your old sports stats and how buff you used to be, your wife will be looking for her ear plugs or worse a pistol to end her misery.
Geeky girls have always been a turn-on to me. I don't know what it is about girls that look like Lisa Loeb or Margaret Yang (off of Wes Anderson's Rushmore), but it's refreshing to see the stereotyping of geeks making a sharp decline since the days of Saved By The Bell [et.al.] and that there's no stigma attached to having a passion for learning and doing things that you love to do - be it puzzles, astronomy, or playing music.
So where, as a shy geeky guy, do I find girls who like geeks? Inquiring minds from NASA want to know
So, I feel that this is great and all... but there ARE female geeks, as was mentioned several times already, and you know what? Girls who are total idiots are going to have the money to dress the part, but money can't fix stupidity. Just because it's "in" doesn't mean geeks or otherwise should fall for it. Plenty of guys are very attracted to the librarian-lookers, as it's a very popular fantasy in the bedroom. Or even the school-girl approach.
Morons, do me a favor.. I'm a NATURAL librarian-looker with a brain, you didn't want the cute, intelligent, witty guys before... bug off, stick to your own men. Remember, great looking guys who have business ethic (not so much dumb, just not passionate) also enjoy smart women and we can take those guys, too.
While I am not at all insulted by the D&D comment, I mean come one fellow RP'ers we hear this A LOT, It was kind of rude. I would think some one sharing my most honorable surname would be wiser. Anyhow, it's good to see how much love geeks are getting, even though few would know I was one when they first meet me.
It's tough to get angry over a cliched comment from a hackneyed pseudo-journalist. It's not like we're living in the age of enlightened social responsibility. We're definitely not living in the age of deep thought or careful craft.
Half the people writing for this sort of thing nowadays can't crank out two paragraphs without a typo, bad punctuation, mis-use of a word or phrase, or incomplete thought. If we can't expect today's "professional" journalists and editors to care enough about the slop they are shilling to get the rules of language and writing straight, how can we expect them to act in an enlightened manner over the content?
Think about this for a minute: somebody was small-minded enough to consider this a worthy topic upon which to expend time and energy. We can hardly expect more from such a person, than the recycling of decades-old stereotypes and half-assed advice.
Hello. Actually, as a member of the two categories you have stereotyped (D&D and Star Wars geeks), I would like to let you know that you are rather out of touch with "geek" culture.
Dungeons and Dragons is a game about social interaction. It is based on being able to empathize with a fictional character to the degree that the player can pretend to be them. In fact, the local Dungeons and Dragons group contains a far greater ratio of empathetic and generally socially acceptable people to idiots than the main student body of our high school. By the way, yes, many of us do date people.
Star Wars is another form of social "geekery". There are dozens of Star Wars discussion webrings, devoted to everything from Star Wars literature (theforce.net) to action figures (rebelscum.com). You should check them out sometime. We don't bite.
I guess what rubs me the wrong way about your article is that you don't really seem to know what you're looking for. Model building is really not too "geeky". Tons of people build models. Real geeks are the ones you've labeled as socially inept and weird. However, based on your writing, it is obvious that you have no real experience with the people in question. If you got to know some of us, I have no doubts that you would quickly change your mind about our general level of maturity and social aptitude.
Finally, as an aside, it's "Dungeons and Dragons", as in, plural. If there was only one dungeon, guarded by a solitary dragon, everyone would get bored and go home.
Yup! He can earn $56 thousand a year, but when he gets mad he misses the toilet to show you. Ok I changed my mind. The geeks are in. Big bulky muscle no brains out. I love a guy who gets all sensative and wants to know what is going on with me, brings me flowers and says lets talk it out! We walk the park and he brings corn to feed the ducks. He knows everything about everything and does not have all the muscle to get the job done right now, but has all the right tools put in all the right places. He doesn't go far, but makes it all up close and important. He is a family guy who shuts off the tv to build a scale model green home with all the right answers. Can take you to the spot he is going to build it and give you all the reasons you should.
Out with Joe cool who breaks the door in and pays $500 to fix it afterward and cancels everything you palanned for that weekend.
The thing about geeks is that they are willing to suffer for the things, and more importantly, the people, they love. For most of them, they've been suffering since middle school. Its the norm to work and be passionate no matter the cost, but to a geek, thats all it is, the cost to enjoy the people and things you love.
What is really going on ? I feel that i just have to tell it like it is. You are telling me, that regular guy types (nongeeks) Have treated you woman so unfairly that you are now atrracted to the bill gates,woody allen,tobey maguire, Urkle (family matters) Carlton banks (alfonso riebiro fresh prince of bel-air) Napolen dynomite types, Instead of the Bruce willis,Johnny depp, willsmith, Sean connery (younger years)Mattew McConaughey,David beckem, mario lopez types?Have woman forgotten to know how, and what to do around a real well-rounded man? Most of the neards that work at my job, are strange. they are usually unkempt, with wrinkled unmatching clothes.hair not cut properly, some with bad hygene, Bad skin,strange habits,nose picking like they used to do When we were in school remember?flood pants, secret perverts, Some even seem mildly retarded. Now come on ladies, How is this attractive?I always say you are who your with, and some ladies are nerds themsevels, just like ugly betty! The only thing missing from them are the glasses! As far as there hearts, Well some nerds are very, very, nice people. However, what happened ladies for the desire for, the well- rouned, manly, well dressing, goodsmelling, smart as a whip, in books and in life, knows how to treat a woman, has a heart of gold ,protective, types. Like chris Hanson (cnbc news) or some of the other jounallist like matt lauer. (today show) Insteat of ebert of (siskel and ebert). Tell me something caues i just dont get it.
That sugar water butterfly story was the neardiest crap ever!! acn you imagine being on a date with this guy and his pouring water on his neardy self? By the time the butterflies did arrive and stat landing on him you would know that it was becaues this NERD has pouerd something all over himself! So he is a cheat! I am sorry i just dont get it.
Hey! What gives? Why is it all about the male geek? Let's have a little praise for the girl geek -- the one who could actually turn an intellectual conversation into a dialogue, the one who ran mental circles around the boys in her classes, the one who didn't have all that time to fix her hair and nails because she was working on her Ivy League college applications. We may not all be Beauty, but higher IQ often translates to greater creativity in the bedroom. Loving Roman history may be nerdy and unattractive, but when you consider that many of the basic moves in the sexual dictionary have Latin names and that some of the dirtiest and sexiest writing out there is in Greek and Latin (Aristophanes' Lysistrata, Catullus' Songs, Sappho's Odes, Ovid's The Art of Love), I'm surprised our department doesn't have greater notoriety. My friend is currently working on a paper arguing that, contrary to the common theory that romantic love was created by the troubadours in the 13th century, there are archaeological expressions of it in Greek and Roman remains. Now tell me what's not hot about that kind of female geekdom?
PS There are two types of male geeks: redeemed and unredeemable. The redeemed ones actually know something. The unredeemed ones can go back to WarCraft and rot for all I care. Who put them on the list of chic??
i think articles like this are a good show of whats wrong with everybody. why are people so interested in WHAT you are and not WHO you are? i go to the gym and lift. i like hockey. ive sweeped more women off their feet then you know. does that cancel out the fact that i am obsessed with roleplaying games? that i go to school for physics and tell my friends that one day ill invent a real lightsaber? that i would dress up as ensign chris at a star trek convention? that yes, when i cant breathe i pick my nose because there was a booger in there goddamnit!
"its in to like geeks now" wtf! when has finding someone to like and to love ever been about whats in??? ive never said that id nail angelina jolie just because the rest of the world thinks shes hot
articles like this just go to show what the hell is wrong with life today and why so many peoples marriages end. people are too worried about what a person is and not who they are
lumping enormous groups of people into nice neat little categories like that shows the naivete of our culture (this writer included). all the muscle bound troglodyte athletes you knew in school had game? all the kids in the chess club were inept in social situations?
you think about that and ill show you a male underwear model who freezes when the woman he adores walks in the room. ill show you a guy dressed up like luke skywalker at a star wars convention that turns down ten beautiful women who arent his type.
then youd be shocked. they are the same guy
I been told many times how geeky I am ..and I always deny it...am not exactly sure why. But I for sure know I dont meet the profile...well not exactly...like for instance when I walked into any of my programming classess I have actually have guys tell me mmm are you sure you in the right class lol... I ill will bluhsed like crazy and say well yeah its on my schedule!
The things is I am outgoing for the most part, I feel good and I look good and i definately try to dress as normal as posible and when i do go out I definately dress up...but i also like science, history and just about any new gadget that comes about... anyways i think geek/nerds Rock!
I've known nerdy guys are the best partners for a long time. But you have to get the right ones, which means, be wary of grown men who watch Dragonball Z still.
for all you dungeons & dragons players getting all up in arms, calm down. sure, you're not all completely unsocialized troglodites who should live in caves. we know that. but i bet that most of you were at some point. my brother was one of those; it took him going all the way to art school before he snapped out of his "i hate everyone who's less smart than me (which, to be honest, is 80% of the population, especially in his age group) and therefore i see no reason to be polite or socially well adjusted" attitude. he still plays, to be sure, and he's now a relatively functioning member of society, but he had his phase. as have we all. my wonderful boyfriend (a certified computer geek/design nerd and all around technology freak) went through his antisocial awkward phase for most of his teen years and a little into his twenties, when he finally snapped out of it. i myself (an art geek/movie nerd/comic book afficionado) have a lot of severely awkward years under my belt. but i too snapped out of it as i grew out of feeling insecure about my tastes. so i say "hooray for geek being the new chic. it's about damn time." although, also being a television nut, i have to say i wasn't a big fan of chuck (although i'll admit, it did kind of suck me in and make me watch). i think it was trying too hard to be geeky. i prefer more of the tina fey/flight of the conchords sort of geek comedy, because they actually are geeks, and don't have to try so hard.
In regards to the article "Why Geeks are the New Chic" - I'm sure you think you were being funny, but the truth is your statements regarding both Dungeons & Dragons geeks (of which I am one) and Star Wars geeks (They aren't all like your friend's horror story) were insulting, belittling, and ignorant. World of Warcraft, an MMORPG with many of the same basic principles as D&D has reached 9 million worldwide subscribers, and the original table-top games have a widespread following. I have a wonderful husband, an intelligent and adventurous 8-month-old son, great relationships with my family members, and constructive hobbies (besides D&D). I love the game, I've been geeking out with everyone else about the upcoming release of the 4th edition, and I am very happy with my life. But obviously, I'm better off living in a cave somewhere. I find it amazing how someone like you manages to write an article about how 'geeks' are now cool or acceptable while still demonstrating the type of arrogant and dismissive attitude that relegated ALL geeks to the worst lunch table in high school. On one hand, I'm encouraged that women are finally figuring out that counter-culture guys have much more to offer, long-term, than the stereotypical football jock that was so popular previously. On the other hand, you make it clear they still have a long way to go. A word of advice - don't insult people. It isn't funny. It isn't clever. It doesn't make you sound worldly. The problem with lump-categorizing ANY group of people is that you do not know how many of us there are, and you do not know where we are. Case in point - Vin Diesel plays D&D and World of Warcraft. Many of us are quite functional and successful, despite our hobbies, and I see no reason at all why passion toward this game should be any different than passion for basketball, or soccer, or chess.
Interesting right until you kick me in the metaphorical teeth. "unsocialized Dungeon & Dragon-heads". Um, ok. Are you aware that the hobby requires frequent contact with what is often quite a large circle of friends, it is vital to the way the whole thing works. I think you may have grabbed exactly the wrong thing to hold up as a stereotype here.
As much as I want to believe this, this article is full of crap. Atleast when it comes to the women around where I live.
Hey, girls can be geeks too... My husband and I are both geeks, and sometimes, it's quite scary...
I am a female geek who plays D&D. I believe that Cave Dwellers is an unfair accusation of D&D Geeks. I have always been a very social person and D&D just made me more social. It allowed me to meet people from all over the world and all walks of life. Like all hobbies it brings in a wide range of people.
As far as geeks being sexy. I have always thought so. Brains are much more impressive than muscles. I am more likely to notice what you are reading than what you look like. I love noticing a person reading a book that indicates Engineer or Gamer. Then I know I am about to meet someone interesting.
One major problem I had with this article was not mentioning female geeks. We do exist and in fairly large numbers. It is annoying to be ignored once again as a demographic.
Hi all, it's Carrie, who wrote the article. I come in peace—not to paint anyone in boxes, throw spitballs or assign you new lunch tables. I know geeks rule.
And of course girls can be geeks. I number among you. This article was just pointing out a surprising, and I think encouraging, turn of events: women, geeks or non, are starting to finally see the appeal of a long-underappreciated type of guy. (And true, bit of a bummer for the rest of us who've long been fans.)
To all the D&Ders out there: Of course you're not all one with the stalagtites. It was an example. So, just as some of your ilk might be better off relegated to caves (as would, say, some politicians and most traffic cops...oh, no, there I go again), many D&D devotées do make fine, fine mates. Hold on tight to him...or her!
Mike, NASA geeks are definitely the new chic at Secret Science Club. Google it, chances are there's one near you.
D&D is a face-to-face group role-playing game. Not easy to play by yourself in a cave. Perhaps you have it confused with WoW?
Heh, well it seems my fellow D&D players have been active here. Well, all I have to say is that I agree about the implications that we're something to be avoided.
Sure, there are a handfull of groups that will go so far as to dress up for the table, will call each other by character name even out of the game, live their life devoted to their DM as some sort of master and aren't exactly good material. But even WE avoid those. Most of us are decent people. And while a few players might find it fun to toss a cloak on for the game or whatever, we'll probably never be as bad as some morons would have you all believe.
I'm a pretty easy going person but it's not easy for me to find an ideal match. After many years on dating sites, I finaly found my love on richmingle.com. Love sometimes is a miracle. You must try a lot and hard. Just try and don't be shy!
Excuse me atrox, I am very well read , intelligen I consider world events and the soloutions to world problems all the time. No,I am not a sports fannatic. Once again,What has happened to being WELL ROUNDED! No extremes Please!
I fail to see how the "Dungeons & Dragons heads" are unsociable. Roleplayers of any games (beyond the scope of the classic) are usually especially sociable accept for those interested solely in combat rather than the theatrical and improved storytelling opportunities.
As someone who plays pen and paper roleplaying games as well as live action roleplaying games I have to disagree with that part of your article. I'm in a healthy relationship and find that brief mention the only sore spot in an otherwise positive article.
You know... I think Carrie's right about the caves thing... we should all retreat into the caves, play D&D and wait for the remaining so-called "functional" members of society, such as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, paragons of functionality they are, yes sir, to kill themselves in the eminent atomic anarchy.
