By Hephzibah Anderson
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Nov. 27 (Bloomberg) -- Britain's most anxiously awaited literary prize will be granted this evening, when hardworking judges present some lucky novelist with the Literary Review's Bad Sex in Fiction Award.
Previously won by Tom Wolfe and Sebastian Faulks, the contest dishonors the author of the year's most atrociously torrid sex scene. The eight finalists for 2007 include seamy passages from the late Norman Mailer's ``The Castle in the Forest'' and Ali Smith's ``Girl Meets Boy.''
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The London monthly inaugurated the annual award in 1993 ``to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it.''
Chris Rock says there’s nothing worse than bad dirty talk (“Penis? Penis? What are you a doctor?"). Inarticulate literary sex scenes may be waaaay worse. Seriously, the print version of a love scene from Tell Me You Love Me is better than some of these. In Absurdistan, a thoroughly enjoyable book by the way, the sex passages involve a corpulent Russian oligarch, with a briss-mangled wang, awkwardly trying to get it on with a few willing young broads. Uncomfortable. And not uncomfortable like Steve Carrell in The Office, but uncomfortable like President Bush trying to give German Chancellor Angela Merkel a succulent rubdown. We’re starting to think that most novelists are secretly (or not secretly) super nerds and have spent a limited amount of time looking into OPP. Let’s hope that Norman Mailer is not awarded this distinction posthumously.