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Finding your chemical opposite happens naturally, Fisher says, so no need to put it on your soul mate checklist."When you walk into a room, you immediately weed out the ones who don’t look right, who are wearing the wrong clothes, etc.," she explains. "You then talk to those remaining and learn about their values, interests, and background and make the next cut. But in the end, you are attracted to someone because of their chemistry."

But even great chemistry doesn't always yield a successful relationship. Martina Russo*, 41, was married for five years before she and her husband separated. Though the split was challenging, she was eager to try again, and feels that the lessons she learned from her first marriage have helped her navigate her next relationship successfully. (After four years of being single, Russo remarried last year.) "I am much more respectful of my current husband’s feelings," she says. "With my ex, I was quick to place blame, and was not at all interested in how he got into his various messes. Now, I’m much more respectful. I know that I have to figure out a way to honor my spouse’s desires even if they're different than mine."

Second chances like Russo's aren't uncommon. "We can love more than one person, just the way we can love more than one child or more than one friend," says Pat Love. "The key is knowing that infatuation isn't love. If you’re expecting to stay on that high without having to put forth effort, you’re going to go through that revolving door throughout your life."

But sometimes, divorce may be unavoidable. Over a period of 45 years, Fisher conducted a worldwide study of divorce in 58 societies. "If you’re going to break up, it’s usually around the fourth year of marriage," she says. From an evolutionary perspective, "that's how long a couple had to stay together to raise a child through infancy."

With my entire married life looming ahead of me, I strive to avoid that revolving door, to break my familial cycle of divorce, and to commit, with all my might, to the promises I made at the altar. So I tend to listen especially hard to anyone who has a successful marriage. Susan and Rich Novie, who live in New Jersey, are nuptial superstars. They have been married for 40 years, and they still like each other. A lot. Susan attributes their healthy relationship to a number of factors: flexibility, a strong sense of humor, and a willingness to do things both together and apart. But ultimately, she says, it's about a commitment to sharing a life with someone. "We look at marriage like a team," she explains. "You go out there and face the world together. You fight battles, winning some and losing some. But through it all you never split up the team." At 60 and 61 respectively, Susan and Rich don't feel the zing of young love. But their romance continues to grow as they transition into the later stages of their lives. "It's more like a comfortable love," Susan explains. "Sometimes you'll get a mini-tingle. But this love is more like a familiar easy chair. It feels good. You sit on it and you know what you've got."