Lesson #6: Meditate about how it would feel to be in a relationship with your “One.”
Not how they will look, or dress, or what career they’ll have, but what it feels like to be with them. You must distinguish between love and lust and that can be a tough gig. Whether or not you choose to do CITO, do this lesson! It’s cool what comes up. The whole exercise plays out in moments, but if you focus, it feels longer—much like the everyday reality of being with someone you adore. I thought about my “one,” whoever he might be, and pictured him walking through the door at the end of the day. We wanted to discuss our workdays with each other. I didn’t care what we would have for dinner; I was just happy he was there. I imagined how I’d feel if he were in a bad mood, and I was still happy he was there.
The bottom line: Let’s face it, a woe-is-me, stuck in the past, spiritually closed sourpuss is probably not ready to meet his or her dream partner. CITO is about finding the real deal, your one true love, someone who complements your best self. My task wasn’t to herald CITO or to disclaim it. I did it because romantics are true love seekers, and if we think a route might lead us there, we check it out and report back. We’re like canaries in the dating coal mine. Rest assured, I made it out, with only a little soot on my favorite stilettos. In fact, during my road test, I had a few deliciously unnerving, blush-causing conversations with someone who was in my orbit before CITO, and hopefully would be there long after. Like 50 years after. Coincidence—or my post-CITO destiny busy unfolding? We’ll see. In the meantime, here’s hoping you’ll fare even better.
*Some names have been changed.
Catherine Specter writes the advice column, “Cat’s Call,” from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.