For one thing, we had children. Now I love my children dearly, and I wouldn’t trade a minute of that time they lived in my home—but as any mother knows, kids are not exactly an aphrodisiac. Figuring out how to keep the passion going, how to find the energy for sex and intimacy in the midst of midnight feedings and dirty diapers and soothing a sick child, could be pretty daunting at times. (If you want to know more about my secrets for keeping the intimacy alive after the kids come along, check out Chapter 5 on RomantaTherapy and learn how to become your own Romanta Therapist.) but I’m here to tell you from my own experience: You can keep the romance alive if you know what to do and stay committed to doing it.

Then, too, we both had demanding jobs— Ollie, right from the first; me, after the kids got a bit bigger. Suddenly, it seemed we didn’t even have time for a five-minute conversation, let alone for a luxurious evening of foreplay and everything that follows. He was tired, I was tired, and every time we got to where we maybe could have found a little energy, it seemed like one of the kids needed help with his homework or a Band-Aid for her skinned knee or maybe a quiet talk about her dating life. For both Ollie and me, learning how to slow down long enough to make time for each other — the kind of intimate time that includes talking, sharing, and cuddling as well as fantastic sex — has been a lifelong challenge. You can keep alive the magic in the midst of the madness, but it definitely takes work. (You’ll read more about my suggestions for building relationships in Chapter 1 and 2.)

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from my forty-five-year marriage is that soul mates are made, not born. Sure, Ollie and I fell in love early on — and maybe, you, too, have a guy who set your heart beating faster from the moment you laid eyes on him. But I know lots of happy couples who grew into intimacy with one another, who found their sexual heat as they got to know each other in more gradual ways. And by the time you’ve reached your first-year anniversary, take it from me: It doesn’t matter how you started. You’ve still got to work to keep the magic alive, to stay present to each other, to share your hopes and dreams and daily concerns so that you remain friends and companions in the best sense of those words.

Sex and passion are a big part of that sharing and intimacy, and I feel proud to be part of a company that enhances those experiences for women and their partners. But Passion Parties isn’t just about techniques and products — it’s also about relationships, communication, and freeing your Passion Diva. In fact, it’s what your Passion Diva knows that forms the foundation of the company’s philosophy — principles that are the basis of everything you’ll read in this book:

Every Passion Diva Knows That: