DR. DAVID A. STOKER, a plastic surgeon in Marina Del Rey, Calif., has a surgical cure for the ravages of motherhood. He, like many plastic surgeons nationwide, calls it a “mommy makeover.”
Aimed at mothers, it usually involves a trifecta: a breast lift with or without breast implants, a tummy tuck and some liposuction. The procedures are intended to hoist slackened skin as well as reduce stretch marks and pregnancy fat.
Sure, all of these things are important. Having another person grow inside of you and then feed on you for nine months and twelve months, respectively, can do some damage. But what about having a human being extracted through your lady business? We’re shocked that some level of hoo-hah reconstruction isn’t considered. Sure those parts are only stretched for a limited time (compared to boobs and bellies) but the instant trauma is a little more intense. To the degree of pushing a marble through a stir straw. Then again, we’ve read that new mothers are typically healthy enough to go back to intercourse after only a few weeks. This ‘Mom Job’ trend is not really that surprising. We’re all trying to stay younger and hotter for as long as we can and nothing says old and not hot better than saddlebags and saggy breasts. Nothing except obvious toupees and love handles in a banana hammock.