The Secrets To An Interfaith Relationship
How couples find compromise living with two gods under one roof.
One current 2008 presidential candidate made peace with his interfaith upbringing early on. "My mother was a deeply spiritual person and would spend a lot of time talking about values and give me books about the world's religions," Barack Obama told Chicago Sun-Times religion writer Cathleen Falsani in her 2006 book, The God Factor: Inside the Spiritual Lives of Public People. Now a practicing Christian, Obama was exposed to myriad religions, having been raised by an agnostic father, Protestant mother, and non-practicing Muslim stepfather.
These stories only begin to hint at the issues involved in an interfaith pairing. The truth is, we can't choose who we love—and sometimes who we end up with challenges our deepest-held assumptions about what the future will look like. When the obstacles involve faith, the issue is, even in the earthly sense, bigger than the two of you.
Suddenly, the wagons circle: Spiritual advisors, friends, and generations of well-intentioned family members all want a say in how your relationship will play out, from the traditions you adopt, the holidays you celebrate and the way you raise kids, to how you choose to say "I do."
Making Your Way to the Altar(s)
Planning a wedding ceremony that will set the tone for a lifetime of love can be a meaningful and illuminating process—or a tear-inducing morass. And that’s before you try to incorporate two faiths. Besides, there's not exactly a rulebook to consult when a Christian and a Wiccan get hitched. Take, for example, a recent interfaith wedding Brockway officiated: an atheist man with Christian parents marrying a Wiccan woman with a Jewish mother. The planning began on the tense side: "Just don't say 'Goddess' in front of my 84-year-old grandfather," the worried groom cautioned his bride. But, ultimately, the couple wound up with a wedding that integrated their— and their families'—respective traditions, using one of Brockway's favorite refrains. "Never 'instead of,' always 'in addition to,'" she intones, meaning, never omit a ritual
important to one partner or the other; instead, always be willing to incorporate more.
To honor the Christian side, the bride wore white, the couple lit a unity candle, and the wedding ceremony was co-officiated by a Unitarian minister. The Wiccan half of the nuptials involved lighting a specially blessed oil candle representing the male and female deities—and having the bridesmaids "call in the directions," a longheld Wiccan tradition.
Too convoluted? Brockway says about one in four couples choose to say "I do" twice, in two distinct ceremonies. Traci, 32, and Partha, 31, had a Christian ceremony one night and a second full-scale Hindu wedding the next, complete with traditional Bengali dress and the blessings of a Brahmin.
To Brockway, the biggest boon is seeing older generations set aside their differences to rally around the newlyweds. After one interfaith wedding, she spied the fathers of the bride and groom shuffling off together.
Discussion
Trying to live to the ideals of two religions is frustrating. For 5 years I've been pagan and for 3, I've tried to conceal my beliefs in a church and just appreciate what I can -- the music, architecture, etc. -- but it was incredibly rough on me and I had a hard time believing in my religion.
Children, in my opinion, until age 13 don't have the capacity for abstract thought needed to make decisions in religion and ethics on their own, but they also are individuals with personalities and a personal set of life experiences. They should be let to explore religion at their own will but not held to anything.
I been married three times to jewish man and divorced I think religion has nothing to do with love and respect.
I been married three times to jewish man and divorced I think religion has nothing to do with love and respect.
My religion is love, I love my mother, partner, sister, and my match! If we have everything except love, then we are only mummy, like a slogan of My Biker Date: "All we need is love!"
My husband was a Christian, a minister's kid, and a lay preacher in his church. I am Jewish with a tendency to reconstructionism. We were happily and supportively married, until his death, for 23 years. An interfaith relationship is easily sustainable as long as there is respect on the parts of both partners for the beliefs of the other. Without such respect, not only for religious beliefs but for all the beliefs and opinions of one's partners, the relationship does not have much of a chance of enduring.
