By Jo Piazza
LOS ANGELES - Kevin Federline's lawyer is aiming for the jugular in his new custody battle for the two sons he fathered with Britney Spears - and he has called in an ex-Israeli commando to help.
Early yesterday morning, K-Fed's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, sent security expert Aaron Cohen out to track down and subpoena Spears' assistant Alli Sims, who is also the singer's cousin.
Also in Cohen's cross hairs was Spears' music producer Jonathan (J.R.) Rotem. Kaplan wants both questioned under oath about Spears' alleged erratic - and sometimes dangerous - parenting skills.
Cohen caught up with the pair at a Hollywood Hills bash at 2:30 a.m.
"He infiltrated the grounds and said, 'Are you Alli Sims? Here is a legal document ... you have been served,'" a source said. "Cohen knows his stuff. He was in the Israeli Army. Let's put it this way, if Alli were a terrorist, she would have been taken down."
Hmm. It looks like K-Fed is taking no prisoners. Now that K-Fed has employed Israeli commandos, we wonder how long it will be before Brit calls in Iran’s Revolutionary Guard. It’s a lot easier to fight an insurgency like this than to actually govern a family. You can’t just be ‘fun dad,’ you’re responsible for clothing and feeding and edumacating those little buggers. We’re wondering if Federline knows what he’s getting into. Sure, the kids will be ‘better off’ in the hands of a ‘responsible adult’ but barring the location of one of those becoming ‘wards of the state’ may not be too bad for Small Fry and Tater Tot. This thing gets more bizarre by the day. Perez Hilton is reporting that Alli Sims is not actually Britney’s cousin. We’re pretty sure that everyone from Down South is related somehow.
And finally, Kevin Federline was canned from his role in a Keanu Reeves film entitled The Night Watchman. It sounds like there was some confusion between his representatives and the good people at Fox Searchlight. It turns out that the studio was looking for someone to serve as night watchman. Buh dum pah!