According to Hollyscoop.com Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson are dating again. We’re sure that this will serve as fodder for DC’s stand-up act and it will probably go something like this:
“It’s great to be here. I just got in from New York. Yes, New York the City. The Big Granny Smith. If you haven’t heard, I’ve been spending time with Jessica Simpson. Or J-Simpso, as I call her. It’s weird dating a ‘star’. You can’t just expect to take her for a cinematic adventure and a sangwich and expect her to be satisfied. You can’t just splash on a little cololo, that’s what I call cologne, and cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn and think she’ll be all (effeminate voice), ‘oh, what’s that? (Makes disgusted face and then smiles). Is that your, um, you know? Thing?’ You have to bring you’re A-Game, you have to think outside the box. One false move and you’re dead (hits self with microphone, falls down). Do something that she’s never seen before (laughs at own joke). Take her to see a cock fight. Ha. Not that kind, silly. She’ll be turned on, (effeminate voice), ‘Um, do you want to go and uh, you know?’ Then you leave and you’re back, doing it. (Puts hand over mouth) Tee hee. And you’ve only got one chance, so you gotta hit the awesome button and give her a good ending. When you’re about to finish lean and say, ‘is this creepy?’ and lick her face and then whisper, ‘you will never forget that as long as you live!’”
Best of luck, DC, she’s a wild one. Sorry, Johnny Knoxville, maybe if you had gotten divorced 10 days ago.