Couples Living On A Single Income

Luckily, we’re not all still oppressed by ’50s stereotyping. When Debbie E., whose tech startup was wooing her to increase her commitment and become president, and her husband, a reluctant attorney, decided that one of them needed to slow down and take care of the rest of their lives, they deliberated for months over who it would be.

“There had never been a question of whether or not I worked,” says Debbie about their conundrum. “That’s who I was. That’s who he fell in love with.” So when Pat agonized over whether he should leave a job he didn’t love or hang on to his hard-won law practice, Debbie finally said, “Honey, you’ve got to pick one!”

In the end, they decided Debbie would take a break—and she’s loving it. But she’s spending a good deal of time fantasizing about how, in the future, they’ll flip-flop. Whether it’s a sabbatical in a low-cost country or starting a business of his own, Pat will get his chance at freedom.

That back-and-forth might be one of the healthiest things he and Debbie ever do for their marriage. As Ruth Hayden puts it, “Something else happens when couples take turns: They can really see themselves in the long term.”