Ruth Hayden, a leading voice on the subject of personal finance, believes taking turns earning is “the wave of the future.” Author of For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples, Hayden is a passionate advocate for the power of flexibility to preserve and improve marriages, especially in an era of increasing longevity when the feasible age for retirement is being pushed upwards into the seventies. “When we’re going to live as long as we are, neither one of us can stay stuck in a job that we don’t like,” she argues. “If you’re going to be a long-term couple, you have to be willing and prepared to take turns holding the responsibility for the financial support. One of the primary reasons for divorce,” she adds, “is that people feel trapped, and they think if they leave the marriage, they’ll feel free again.”

Steve H. felt extremely trapped. A graphic designer at a slick magazine, he began feeling less and less satisfied at his job and more and more interested in his church activities. “It got to the point,” he says, “that I was taking a portable CD player to work and listening to Russian church music in order to distract myself.”

His wife, Clancy D., was sympathetic. An editor of books and newsletters for a research institute, Clancy could provide health insurance for both Steve and their baby boy if Steve were to make a change. And she had always seen her income as family income. “She has consistently said, ‘Look, this is our money,’” Steve explains. So, after testing the waters with a job in a church office, Steve applied to a nearby seminary, and today is studying to become a priest.

When he’s ordained, Clancy will enjoy the same freedom to change careers or take a break. “Part of the calculus of this setup is that there will be a good job for me on the other side,” Steve says, “and then Clancy can see what moves her.”

Yet solutions like Steve and Clancy’s are rare. Sheryl Garrett, a certified financial planner who has just published Money Without Matrimony: The Unmarried Couples’ Guide to Financial Security, says she counts just one client out of 50 who has taken this sort of leap. Couples simply don’t plan for big change, generally, unless they are faced with a crisis like layoffs or problems with the kids.The reasons for this rigidity are threefold. First, says Garrett, we fear exclusion: that if we leave a job for six months or two years, we’ll be forgotten; we’ll lose our contacts and our credibility. “People worry,” she says, “that they won’t get back into the workforce. But that’s not the case if they have marketable skills. And if they don’t,” she adds, “they can put acquiring them into their long-range plan.”