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The Lure of the Engagement Ring

Why did diamonds become a girl's best friend in the first place?

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Not to mention that couples get free therapy when they go to see him. "People have the need to talk," he says. "They talk about themselves, how they met. I know their whole history. Buying a wedding ring, whether they spend $5,000 or $100, it's a very emotional purchase, a subject that brings out a lot. Some people are very nervous. You can see the anxiety. Some people have arguments in front of my counter." (Perhaps the engagement ring says, "Let's take the plunge!" while the wedding ring says, "Wait a minute, what exactly are we doing?")

Rotenberg recalls couples who made him think, "This is not the right match. But who am I to say? I saw one young gentleman trying on a ring. He's standing in front of the counter, taking it on and off. He's saying, 'I can't believe I'm doing this' to himself. I felt like saying to him, 'Maybe you shouldn't.'"

This solitary shopper is an exception, though. Nine times out of ten, Rotenberg estimates, both members of the couple present themselves at his counter. In contrast, only 60 percent of women accompany their ?ancé to shop for the engagement ring, as Bride's editor in chief Millie Martini Bratten noted last November in New York Metro. A 2004 Fairchild Bridal Group Study found that 47 percent of brides don't even know how much their engagement ring cost.

Is one a gift, and the other a joint purchasing decision? Does one symbolize a man's love for a woman, and the other, their love for each other? Where do money and meaning part ways?

The idea of some kind of wedding-related ring as "earnest money," or a symbol of the groom's ability to support his bride-to-be, dates way, way back; ancient Roman, Jewish, and Germanic literature all mention it. Jaclyn Geller argues that this particular meaning still thrives, calling the modern proposal with a chunk of ice "a display of ?nancial success. The gesture announces that for [the groom] such purchases are easy, that he is capable of decorating his beloved with baubles and gems (and, by implication, supporting her in high style). The gift combines romantic ?nesse, sexual prowess, and economic savvy in a streamlined package."

But in 2005, the groom-as-gravy-train is only one way to get a great rock. Take, for example, a recently married woman whose engagement ring would impress anyone. It was in the family-her family. Her ?ancé presented it to her on bended knee, and she wears it proudly. Now it's an outward symbol of their status as a couple.

Can you relate?

Discussion

Posted April 19, 2008

I much prefer the English custom of colored stones. I love diamonds, but as engagement rings they're just bourgeois. I received an Art Deco 20-carat emerald for my betrothal, and have worn it ever since. (Some diamonds came later...)

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Posted November 30, 1999

I found this article very interesting. Getting a diamond engagement ring seams to be some kind of right of passage for most women. However I am one of the few women who don't seam to be diamond obsessed. I don't want an elaborate engagement ring. I wouldn't want to wear it after I am married. I just want a nice wedding ring with no jewels. I am so clumsy that I am sure I would slice up both myself and those around me if I had a big rock. I think I will use the extra money to buy furniture for my new home, or put a good down payment on a car.

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Posted November 30, 1999

that's good

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