Infusing Fantasy Into Your Sex Life
Act out fantasies together because imagination enhances our sex lives.
"People always wonder if it's OK to fantasize about someone other than their partner," says Cory Silverberg, a sex educator and "sexuality guide" for About.com. "Well, of course it is—fantasy isn't the same as real life. Besides, if you squelch your fantasies, you'll just create problems. So fantasize about having sex with a thousand different people if you want. Just don't actually have sex with them.
Perhaps that warning is relevant if you're a willowy blonde hotel heiress. For everyone else, the biggest fantasy dilemma is figuring out what to do with the fantasies themselves.
Should you keep them to yourself? Share them with your partner so the two of you can act them out? There's no right answer—but keep in mind that most sexual fantasies remain just that for very good reasons.
"In many cases, the fantasy is better than the reality," explains sexologist Logan Levkoff. "For instance, having a threesome is a common fantasy for men. But in real life, most relationships couldn't handle it—plus the reality of having to consider safe sex isn't part of the fantasy. Fantasies should heighten sexuality, but you have to think long and hard about which ones you should share—the last thing you want to do is make your partner uncomfortable."
Hilary* had been dating her boyfriend, Sean, for three years when she first broached the subject of role-playing. But the relatively innocuous scenario she suggested—he the professor, she the student—made him uneasy because she was in business school at the time.
"I knew it had nothing to do with any of her profs, but I still couldn't get past the idea of her thinking of them while she was with me," explains Sean, a 30-year-old engineer. So he suggested something he was comfortable with.
"He said that, at least at first, he didn't want to play anyone but himself, which I actually thought was sweet," says Hilary, a 28-year-old consultant. "So one night he started talking to me as though he had somehow traveled through time and found me while I was in high school. Entering that role immediately made me feel every sensation multiplied by a hundred, like I really was an inexperienced young girl with an older man who knew everything about me. And I realized that was exactly what I'd wanted in the first place."
Discussion
Maybe i'm weird but i've never had to fantasize to be with my wife. Shes just enough woman for me not to want any more. The thought of her or the sight of her is enoufgh to get me going and keep me there. Not knocking anyone dreaming of a porn star/actor/whatever but i just don't need it.
Fantasizing is normal, natural and important. As a marriage and family therapist for many years, I have seen that the critical issue with fantasy is for a couple to understand and respect their unique, individual "boundaries" in this area of their sexual life.
In my newly released little, inspirational book: "A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage," I include such behaviors as "quickies" and "sleeping naked" as important to the sexual and emotional health of a marriage. Take a look @ www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com
Just want to say I was so touch with the case of the 26 years old lady that had breast cancer.
Whatever the doctors say it is....it is still breast involve and you had a mastectomy. I hope that your boyfriend does not change in time....because right now God is using him for you to keep up with your hope, securities and all. The love he has for you is giving you strength ...because without that love you will feel devastated......something that is hard to cope . But do keep your spirits high. God did not put you in that position where you cannot handle it. You will be A-OK.
I also know how it feels to see someone with a big boobs and here I am ...none. But who cares.
At least we are alive and happy. Happiness is how we make our life to be.Forget about those sexual fantasies and whatever.....they just cause more confusion . Just do whatever you feel just
like the day before your mastectomy.....you fancy it that way, it's your own memory to keep with your boyfriend.To each our own, that is my philosophy. Just like the comment of the other lady on fantasies......for me.....let me be myself, whatever i feel will make me happy not because of what she said.
I just want to say that i am a normal person but sometimes i wonder if something is wrong with me.I visited your site today to find answers and i believe i did.I fantasize of making love to alot of different men while making love with my boyfriend.I will take your advice and keep it my little secret.
I just found this site today and have been reading many of the articles within. Wow. What a group of lonely, sad, depressing people you all are. It is people like you who make relationships more difficult by coming up with all this ridiculous garbage and having people actually fall for it. I doubt many of you will ever experience true love or anything even remotely similar. That is a sad thing. I can only come to the conclusion that the authors of most of these articles in here must have been seriously hurt in a relationship with someone at some point because you all seem so bitter and depressed.
I won't be back here.
I really appreciate the humor of the piece but I disagree with some of the commentary about fantasizing. Its one thing if my husband wants to fantasize that my boobs are bigger or my butt is tighter but its not OK with me for him to fantasize that he is having sex with someone else. If you are making love with your significant other, you should be involved body and soul; you can't do that if, in your mind, you are with a famous male athlete and in his mind, he's with a famous female porn star.
I love the beginning story line-hilarious! This fantasy is so true, I fantize all the time.
