What Your Closet Says About Your Dating Life
One woman's dating history is mapped in her closet.
This is a story about a dysfunctional relationship. It was between me and my bedroom closet, and I know you know what I'm talking about.
The closet was full and I was empty. Every time I opened the door, I encountered someone I no longer cared about, an outgrown, repetitive personality. Like most of us, I had the requisite work stuff in there, which fell into the category of more (summer wool suit) or less (brocade sheath) mandatory and was therefore defensible in some way. But the play clothes, the rows and piles of stuff that I relied on to reflect my true self-image, were just dead wrong. Minimalist, hard-edged, and appropriate mingled awkwardly with colors and patterns from sprees of unquiet desperation. And for every piece that was wrong, I seemed to have three more just like it (think gray cardigans) embalmed in dry-cleaner plastic.
I couldn't have told you any of this, of course. Like most dysfunctional relationships, this one had a lot of staying power, and I could bring to it an endless stream of rationalizations: You can't have enough gray. Or black. There is nothing criminal about linen, and no reason to knock the ankle-length silk floral dress that's been trotted out for the last three weddings. Clothes are not that important. I might wear that again. I'm no longer 20, for God's sake. That weird Dutch thing seemed cool at the time. Is that leather? 5 Fashion Choices That Turn Him Off
When my wardrobe really got to me, I would linger over the closet-organizer ads—the hanger equivalent of romantic getaway fantasies—thinking all I really needed was an intervention, something to get us back on track, to renew the spark that must still be there. In a word, I felt guilty: I could honestly say that good taste was reflected in that 20-square-foot space, and there was no doubt about how much time and money. I swooned over pictures of little suede shoeboxes with individual nameplates and Plexiglas cashmere containers and slim drawers upon slim drawers built to hold one choice item apiece.
When you're in that stoic, confused, overwhelmed, and oddly peaceful frame of mind that so often accompanies accepting the no longer acceptable, you pretty much go with the status quo until something within you—instinct? your eternal love of pink?—suddenly hurls you in a new direction.
OK, so my closet was not in itself the unacceptable fact of my life, it was merely a symptom. I was newly divorced, struggling to balance motherhood with professional ambitions, and dressing in the past tense. In the course of the previous few years, I'd gradually forgotten what it was like to feel sexy, and then I'd forgotten that I'd forgotten. Dressing For Post-Divorce Dating Life
A friend had promised that she would notify the proper authorities if I ever showed up wearing Birkenstocks with mismatched socks, but that wasn't the problem. It was more that I'd become resigned to that thing called good taste; now and then, Vogue legend Diana Vreeland's great line would run like a song fragment through my head: "Good taste? So what."
Discussion
YES, I can absolutely relate to the closet stuff--lol--that's exaclty what it is:) So many times I will go to my closet sure that I have such & such an outfit yet I'm not able to find it at the time desired, which becomes frustrating. NOT only do I have a double closet full of clothes, shoes, sweaters, etc...in my bedroom, but the two hall closets are full with my clothes and gorgeous outfits, as well as my older son's bedroom closet (because he's been to college and out on his own since 1998.)
Every season that rolls around is a time when I renew my vow to "clean" out the "clutter," but to no avail. Hmmmph...
I feel like it would be a good idea to do it in little baby steps...
Then, there is the idea that yes, it is a reflection of my personal life...always, on the go...
You just described the last year or two of my life. Everything in my closet was black and my rolls were plenty. When I realized that my marriage was over, I was freed in a sense that I could justify paying attention to myself as a woman - not just a wife and mother. I lost weight because I was happy. Suddenly, I was buying cute nighties to wear - even though no one saw me in them. I started borrowing clothes from my teenage daughters' closet and now shop in the Juniors section. My closet is full - I hate to get rid of anything! But the section of cute and fashionable outfits is what I frequent - and is what makes me feel flirty and feminine again. It's so nice to have these additions to complement my newly-found self!
You just described the last year or two of my life. Everything in my closet was black and my rolls were plenty. When I realized that my marriage was over, I was freed in a sense that I could justify paying attention to myself as a woman - not just a wife and mother. I lost weight because I was happy. Suddenly, I was buying cute nighties to wear - even though no one saw me in them. I started borrowing clothes from my teenage daughters' closet and now shop in the Juniors section. My closet is full - I hate to get rid of anything! But the section of cute and fashionable outfits is what I frequent - and is what makes me feel flirty and feminine again. It's so nice to have these additions to complement my newly-found self!
Excellent! Loved the article and totallly relate to it. I recently lost 50 lbs. have worked-out for 6 mos. and my closet has gone from prissy to pure sexy. I enjoy being a woman and I finally enjoy my sexuality.
What a waste of words...She could've summed up this ditribe of BS in 5 sentences... If she represents women, she makes us seem like flakes who have no idea how to be who we are. Get dumped, go shopping, lose weight and get a new image....even if it's not you... Shallow isn't it?
This belongs in the "starting over" section, not the "looking" section.
I was totaly following this article until it became yet another long piece about losing weigh. I have the closet problem, but not the weight problem. I have jeans that fit. But I als have a closet of grey sweaters (and I live in an apartment without an extra closet in it). At the beginning, I was with her, at the end I felt dropped.
I like the quotes she includes from Vreeland and her artist friend, though.
Somehow I actually could relate. A mother of four, grandmother of six, divvorced since 1989. I have gone up and down in my weight, but since I am rather buxum, short and fat; by magizine cover standards; I have still managed to get men/dates. But I have come to realize, I do not really like the quality of the men that seem to be attracted to me for what ever reason they have in their heads. (Most seem to say my chest.)
Maybe it is my clothes, or my hair, or what I talk about, or maybe where I go? More questions then answers. Anyway, I do note that I almost never show my cleavage, or where tight clothes, so why do I still attract dogs, I really ask myself? I look into my closet, in my head now, I dress really rather conservitive. I do not wear alot of color, bangles, or fanciful type of things, half of my sloset is black, browns, and olive greens, which I have to wear for work uniform. Boring but rather comfortable to me. So now what. I will most likely always be this little large boned buxum women trying to fight off the urge to be something I am not, fighting off men who say they do not like fat women, but go out with me. sad but true.
So what is the point? The arrticle goes nowhere. It is a stagnant one moment in time with no road for the thoughts to travel on. Am I supposed to agree? Disagree? Rethink my wardrobe? If you are going to write something like this -- take me somewhere.
