Handling A Partner's Unhealthy Habit

Ouch. I'd like to pretend it isn't true, but I'll admit that I'm ashamed to be seen in public with Jon when he's holding a cigarette. On some subconscious level, I feel like it makes a statement about how much I value health. The irony is that I could have devoted all the time I've spent stressing out over what he's doing wrong to improving my own life. But I'm beginning to get the picture: Focusing on somebody else's bad habits is a triple-edged sword. First, it has a funny way of blinding you to your own faults and can make you so on-edge that you lose focus on your own goals and ambitions. It can cause stress and tension in a relationship—who wants to be either a nagger or a naggee? And it's usually an exercise in futility: Nobody can break a habit unless he really wants to. He Thinks Your Feedback Is Nagging

Sandra Hume, a 34-year-old mother of two in Manter, Kan., decided simply to stop feeling resentful about her husband Matt's longtime habit of chewing tobacco. "I won't let it affect our relationship," says Hume, who's been married to Matt, 40, for about five years. "If it's the worst habit he has, I'll take it." Moreover, as Amatenstein points out, your loved one probably already feels guilty about his bad habit, and constantly reminding him of his failing is going to put him under even more pressure. "You're supposed to be his support. Be sensitive—put yourself in his place," she suggests.