Dory Hottensen, a clinical social worker who teaches a seminar entitled "Deciding to Have a Baby—or Not" at the 92nd Street YMHA in Manhattan, reports a trend away from the classic she’s-ready-he's-not scenario. "Usually it's the woman who is ambivalent and the man who is all for it," Hottensen says of her seminar attendees. "Women are concerned with the physical aspects of pregnancy, self-image, and the effect on their careers. They're feeling pressure to 'do it all' and they aren't sure they can. Men take more responsibility in childcare than in times past, but ultimately most of it falls on the woman." Hottensen's course covers the concrete issues—finances, living situations, support—and deeper psychological issues, such as fears about parenting that stem from childhood. "Couples need to explore all the pros and cons as deeply and completely as they can and understand that some ambivalence is normal," she says.

And Diane Sollee, who as Director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education sees many couples debating when to start a family, believes a little mutual soul-searching, and even conflict, now can reap benefits down the line. "The research is clear: It's never the issue but how you handle it that is key," she says. "There will be many intense issues about little Johnny besides when to have him. This is a good issue around which to hone couples skills so Johnny will grow up with two happily married parents."

Conceptions and misconceptions
Since the first "test tube” baby, Louise Brown, was born in 1978, doctors have brought more than one million IVF (in vitro fertilization) babies into the world. The next frontier is egg cryopreservation (freezing a woman's eggs and then thawing, fertilizing, and implanting them years later), which has been successful in about 75 cases worldwide, though the rate is still one percent per egg, at best. Researchers also have been removing ovarian tissue, freezing it, and then transplanting it back into the body. Doctors in Belgium froze the ovarian tissue of a cancer patient seven years ago, before she underwent chemotherapy. Last September, she had the first baby ever born from an egg produced by re-implanted ovarian tissue.

Life expectancies are increasing; the window for motherhood is too. As the next generation of women head out to buy their first business suits, they may be able to stop off at the egg bank, make a deposit, and buy themselves more time —a decade or two—before shopping for maternity wear.

Dr. Zev Rosenwaks, director of the renowned Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility at Weill Medical College of Cornell University, predicts that, in the long-term, doctors will be able to "reproduce eggs, maybe reproduce sperm, and make infertility obsolete." But for now, as Rosenwaks cautions, a woman’s best chance of becoming a mother lies with her natural eggs. Your best plan is to get informed about your fertility—don't assume that if the stork won’t bring you a baby, your doctor can.

I Misconception: "Fertility starts to decline in a woman's late 30s and most women can have children naturally in their 40s."