Sophisticated Lady Would Be Hilarious With A Crotch-Grab


I downed another Bella Donna and became a normal human being again. Everyone went home eventually except for me, Harry, and Ben…Ben let me behind the bar and I put my old bartending *skillz* to use and created a yummy sour pineapple concoction for everyone. Harry passed; he was busy drinking his “gingerale” = code word for Dewar’s and soda (that detail, and the fact that he owns a pocketwatch, gave me a stern lesson on proper tuxedo lapel cuts and suit-wearing etiquette, and eats meat so bloody it’s still mooing are SUCH turn-ons). The conversation the three of us shared was really fun---everyone was very opinionated yet cracking jokes the whole time---and we discussed the Woman v. Man human condition at length. They clued me in on some “male truths”, namely:

1. Women who don’t shave/wax/at least prune their legs/pits/nether-regions are both unsexy and surprisingly numerous, although they agreed with me that men who insist on weekly brazilian waxes from their “woman” are crazy


2. The main reason men don’t commit is because they’re afraid of their responsibility of being the breadwinner

3. Marriage fucks everything up and there’s no need for it anymore

4. When a relationship ends, the woman is much more apt to end things completely, emotionally and physically, but the man keeps wondering what he’s now missing out on and comes back to the ex to revisit what might have been (or keep having sex if it’s good, at the very least)

Men. Can’t live with ‘em; pass the beernuts. Anyway. Realize that I have to keep this professional AND it was Harry who did the leaving last time, so I’m in no mood nor position to proposition he tickle anything besides the ivories. But the sexual tension---even if it’s 100% in my imagination---is good times. Eat your hearts out, Maddie and David. Will have some internet dates to tell you about next week---am meeting Southern gentleman tomorrow for a happy hour beer (email connection has been good; phone, not so much) and a cutie-patootie doctor who is from NYC but lives in SF is coming into town this week and I really don’t know why I’m entertaining going on a date with someone so geographically undesirable but he’s super cute and gives *great* email so we’ll just see what happens. And hopefully that won’t be me, peeing down my leg as artwork falls on my head. Hopefully.