Charitable Giving: A New Way To Bond

But whether couples do it in unity or through negotiation, parting with their dollars is an act freighted with feeling, from the wedding onward. "In the midst of figuring out how many tiers the cake will have," says Bethany Robertson, "it's great to have a conversation about this other sort of thing—your values and what matters."

David Bach, author of Smart Couples Finish Rich: Nine Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner, describes this effort as "having a greater purpose beyond the two of you. For some couples, it's a religious calling. For others, it's a charity or some community project." This kind of outward, shared focus is one of the hallmarks of "really solid couples," Bach believes, "the ones who seem happiest and most fulfilled."

All that, and you get to help people, too. If troubled couples can spend hours looking inward, criticizing and debating and agonizing, it seems logical that happier ones spend time looking outward. I bet it's working for Bill and Melinda.

Martha Baer is a freelance writer based in San Francisco. She is coauthor of Safe: The Race to Protect Ourselves in a Newly Dangerous World.