Be sure not to let expressing what you’re feeling take you out of the moment. “Women need to feel comfortable communicating, and men need to be adept at recognizing a woman’s signs of arousal,” explains Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. “Studies have shown that women’s brains basically shut down when they near orgasm, so being too conscious of talking about it can interfere with a process that should be subconscious.”
Though discussing your state of arousal ad nauseum can be a real turnoff, a little dirty talk can be sexy and deliver essential information. That’s how Ken and Wendy inadvertently discovered the position that practically ensures simultaneous orgasms: in bed—but in separate ones, 3,000 miles apart. “We always came at the same time when we had phone sex,” explains Wendy, a 37-year-old chemist. “But we seldom talked when we were in the same place having sex, and we had a lot of trouble coming together. When we kind of combined the two, we found out that it synced us up almost immediately.”
Good communication helping a couple function better as a unit? Now I've heard everything.