When your face is … where your face is during oral sex, it’s usually fairly easy for you and your partner to figure out each other’s level of arousal, and time your orgasms. When you’re trying to come together during regular sex, communication is far more important.
It can be as straightforward as one person telling the other that an orgasm is imminent, or as subtle as looking for physical signs that someone is about to come—held breath, arched back, a look on their face like they’ve just learned Bambi’s mother died.
Be sure not to let expressing what you’re feeling take you out of the moment. “Women need to feel comfortable communicating, and men need to be adept at recognizing a woman’s signs of arousal,” explains Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. “Studies have shown that women’s brains basically shut down when they near orgasm, so being too conscious of talking about it can interfere with a process that should be subconscious.”
Though discussing your state of arousal ad nauseum can be a real turnoff, a little dirty talk can be sexy and deliver essential information. That’s how Ken and Wendy inadvertently discovered the position that practically ensures simultaneous orgasms: in bed—but in separate ones, 3,000 miles apart. “We always came at the same time when we had phone sex,” explains Wendy, a 37-year-old chemist. “But we seldom talked when we were in the same place having sex, and we had a lot of trouble coming together. When we kind of combined the two, we found out that it synced us up almost immediately.”
Good communication helping a couple function better as a unit? Now I've heard everything.