Luckily, there are ways to help close the gap between woman and man that don’t require both parties picturing an oiled-up Brad Pitt in a French sailor uniform.
For starters, since many women find it easier to have their second, or even third, orgasms after they’ve enjoyed their first, the woman can come once as a warm-up before both partners go for the gold.
After several unsuccessful tries for simultaneous O’s, Jay and Violet* found that paying attention to her needs first ultimately served both of their best interests. “If Jay goes down on me with minimal foreplay, I’ll have a ‘mini-orgasm’ that leaves me wanting another,” says Violet, a 33-year-old Web editor. “That’s when I’ll get on top of him so that I’m in control, and he has access to my clitoris. When I’m ready, I simply speed up, and that usually puts him over the edge.”
Positions definitely matter. Because few women can climax without some sort of clitoral stimulation, it’s important to be situated so that either the man or the woman can provide that friction—and having her on top gives both partners easy access.
There’s also the atrociously named “coital alignment technique,” a variation on the missionary position in which the man shifts his weight forward and the woman wraps her legs around him, keeping them relatively straight. She presses upward as he gently rocks backward, and—voilà!—clitoral stimulation.
Keep in mind that simultaneous orgasms still count if they’re achieved through manual or oral stimulation. In fact, many couples find those methods more productive, pointing out that they can even serve as springboards to full-on intercourse.
“We have the best luck coming together while 69-ing,” says Mark, a 27-year-old law student. “It’s just much easier to gauge how close my girlfriend is. I can either speed her up or slow her down depending on where I’m at—and she can do the same.”