Are You The “Single Friend”?
A single woman reflects on how her life has changed now that all her friends are married.
But listening to her quietly explain her decision, it seemed bigger than a starter, more than a main course—an entire buffet laced with salmonella. She was surviving a great loss, certainly the greatest of anyone I'd ever known.
That day I wasn't in such a rush to get married, to trust my happiness to someone else. I may not be perfect, but at least I'm familiar with my deficiencies. My flaws rarely blindside me; I've been hiding them for years.
I returned to book club thinking about the upside of watching my friends dive in first, toe the squishy bottom, invent swimming. I might get a sunburn, but they could drown.
Full of apologies, I arrived with a bottle of wine as my olive branch. It was as if I'd never left. (Since I never announced my departure, I suppose I hadn't.) And within five minutes, we were back to color schemes and location fees.
Nothing had changed. One hour of tulle-draped conversation later, in a well-intentioned attempt to include me, a fiancée turned and said, "What do you want your ring to look like?" I had no idea. "Where will you get married?" I was equally stumped. Read: 5 Things Single Women Hate To Hear
The fiancée changed the subject. She had an appointment on Saturday at a fancy Fifth Avenue bridal boutique and was 99 percent sure she was going to purchase the gown. It was antique white with a draped neckline and ruched skirt. (Ruched?) The only problem was that her sister, mom, and eight bridesmaids lived out of town. What was she going to do?
This was a question I knew how to answer. "Well," I said, gazing down at my unadorned finger, "I'm not doing anything Saturday. I could go with you." When I finally looked up, she was smiling so wide I had to grin back. And just like that, I joined Marriage Club.
*Name has been changed.
Discussion
In my hometown, pretty much everyone gets married around the end of high school - second year of university age, and as a result of moving overseas (escaping!) I am still single. Even my baby sister is getting married, and I have had no end of emails/phone calls from concerned citizens wanting to know why I am hiding from my civic duty. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one.
I am 30 and am the only single one in my group. Nothing worse than getting advice from my married friends, they just try to boost your ego or complain about their lives. Seriously, you are going to complain to me about your life of coming home to a husband and kids when I come home to no one?? Trust me, I love my friends and freedom, just not all the time. I just don't want to hear it and it only gets worse and I get older. Thank you for this article. A really good book to read is Better Single Than Sorry by Jen Schefft(sp). I could read it over and over.
I am the last lone chick standing. All my friends are different combinations of married, married with kids, engage, etc. They are all paired off. Then their is me...the preverbal third wheel. I feel like the freak show at dinner parties. Chiming in when I can but it's mostly couple speak.
If you ever feel the same way check out my blog and join the plight of the last single chick looking for love. http://thelastsinglechick.blogspot.com/
I don't think the problem is that you are the only single person among a bunch of women getting married - but that your soon-to-be-married friends sound like pretentious, self-involved jerks. Married or not married, showing basic interest in the lives of your friends is considered basic etiquette. If I were you I'd be looking elsewhere for social entertainment. Unless the problem here is that you secretly wish you could be one of those nattering, shrill voices for tulle consumption too?
Yes, this year is like a cascade of weddings- one after another. At 28 Im not only single, Im not really interested in getting married, I need to finish my attempt at graduate school.. Seeing all my once single friends, and ex-boyfriends one by one get married.. it makes me feel alittle lonely and left out.. but then I realized like the author, I only have me to take care of for now.. no hubby, no babies, and no in-laws.. and then I sigh a relief to myself.. or it is denial??
Thank you so much for this article! My group of girlfriends all got engaged, one after the other, like it was a trend, and now all except one of them have lost their heads over their weddings and have become so full of themselves. Whenever we all get together (boys included) all they talk about is buying a home and their wedding, and disclude my boyfriend and I. It felt good to read an article with someone else in a similar situation. Thanks!!
I really enjoyed this article. I am 25 and single and dating, and all my friends are getting married this year or have a boyfriend. It is funny how they forget how things used to be. Only me and one of my other friends are single and enjoying life in other means than having to plan a wedding. I do giver support for the weddings, but shopping and thinking of dresses is definetely the thing to do..thanks..i love this article.
I appreciated the article. Thank you for writing it. I am a part of a group where I am one of the last singles standing! It doesn't feel great but this article was just what I needed to keep it all in perspective.
